New year.

New year. I don't remember the last time my fake smiles didn't hurt my cheeks. I don't recall being loved in the most pure form. I was never meant for roses, always made for a love which has a gun pointed to the head. I don't remember the time when I could just be without a thought, when things felt simple. The time when i didn't need an obsession to keep me sane. I didn't need substances that corrupt my body to keep my mind from strangling itself. When was the last time the scars on my skin were solely cause i had fun with my friends and not self inflicted wounds? I don't know how i survived all these years but every year seems to be getting worse.