Aftermath of a confession, a message I'll never send now

Hi again, sorry to bother you. Can we just pretend I never sent that last message? Right now, I'm really wishing I could unsend what I wrote and that you never saw how I truly felt. Because now, I feel like I lost a friend simply because I decided to confess to you.

I'm going to be honest. Not only did I lose a friend because you ghosted me after reading it, I lost a friend because of how crappy of a thing that is for someone to do in general.

Maybe I shouldn't have done it and made things awkward, and maybe I really should have just kept it to myself. But there is no denying that we were great friends, right? Am I gaslighting myself? Once complete strangers, we became distant friends, sending messages to each other every day, and we called every weekend. If the weekend didn't work, you made time for me during the week. Consistently, every week I knew I would video call you for at least 2 hours or more. I didn't even talk to my closet friends that often. Yet the time I spent with you started to become so consistent in my life for nearly a year.

And then we finally met and had so much fun together in person. At least that's what you initially told me before ghosting me? While I could tell we were both nervous at first, we still were laughing and enjoying the time we were able to spend together. Talking deeply about our lives, the past and the future. We had moments the days we spent together that literally felt like a romance novel. It's embarrassing for me to even think about it.

I hate to admit it but I miss texting you every day and calling you every weekend, even though I'm very hurt that I've been left on read. I was extremely vulnerable in telling you how I felt. The amount of courage it took me to confess to you has been months in the making. I keep looking back at our text messages, trying to see if I picked up the wrong signs. Maybe it was seriously all severely one sided and I just was too dense to realize. Maybe you never even liked me or considered me a friend, and you were forcing yourself to talk to me? If so why didn't you say something? I really don't know...and it's frustrating that I never will. I thought I would finally have answers to all of the mixed signals you gave me but your actions speak louder than words. You not responding is an indicator that I must have been nothing to you.

I'm telling you this because I'm very hurt, but you probably won't respond again. But it just boggles my mind though. How could you read that vulnerable yet heartfelt message and just decide not to respond? Forget the confession, I don't care if you don't like me back. We're both literal adults, I can handle rejection. But did our friendship literally mean nothing to you? You can't even reject me properly? I seriously thought we were good friends but now the sincerity and generosity you showed me feels tainted. It feels like it was all manipulation and a lie...