First relationship I’ve ever been in lasted 3 years, and then I was blind sided.

So I went through a lot with this girl. She was my good friends little sister and through her asking me for advice on boys, we ended up talking a lot more and I eventually started getting feelings for her. This caused a ton of drama with my friend after I told him I was falling for her, to the point of her and I breaking it off. Months later we found each other again at a wedding, and we decided we were too into each other and needed to give this a genuine try. She was 18, I was 20 at the time. We’re now 21 & 24 respectively.

After everything we went through to essentially fight for our love, and 3 years of utter love and laughter and happiness, she decided to break up with me. Completely out of the blue.

It wasn’t because she didn’t love me, and it wasn’t due to someone else, she told me she was scared to commit to me as she thought I couldn’t handle her negative emotions very well.

I am the most patient and understanding person I know. Especially when it comes to being in our relationship. Yet, there’s a limit to how much one man can take of pointless anger from her end, or holding things I’ve done before we got together against me before you slip and say equally stupid shit to your SO that they had been saying to you.

I feel used and betrayed as for years she has been the girl I wanted to marry, even with all of her flaws, and she echoed that same sentiment to me. Consistently, day in day out.

I’m doing a lot better as it’s been a couple months, but I can’t even fathom the thought of restarting and wanting someone else. Although a man of my age in particular still has needs.

I truly just want her to be happy, and will never hold a grudge against her as she made me the happiest I’ve ever been during our time together. So if that’s what she needs to do to be happy then I have to live with it.

But after saving up for a ring, planning and budgeting for a down payment on a house, bills, literally planning my life with her; she gave up on me. And it really feels like every time we did the corny I love you more game, I was right all along. And that stings more than the breakup itself.

I just wanted to vent on here to get my thoughts out, as there’s only so much you can say to your friends and family before they get bored of the topic or annoyed that it keeps coming up. But really I’d like to ask these questions.

1. How do you forgive yourself for any mistakes you made in a relationship that ultimately snowballed into its demise, no matter how small they were?

2. How long I should I wait to do things like tinder for hookups or actually start flirting with other women in person so it doesn’t look shitty on my end?

Thanks a bunch.