Some things you should know if your just starting out in a military relationship.
I've been around the block a time or two and often see the same issues in young relationships. Having been on both sides of the fence, I think, gives me a bit of perspective. So I thought I would write some basic information maybe it would help someone.
First and foremost, know that military relationships aren't for everyone. You're not a failure if it doesn't work out. It's a hard life of long hours, frustrating policies, and for a good portion of it, you may feel like you're alone. It is ok to say this life isn't for you and that your needs are valid. It is better to end something that isn't working instead of spending your life miserable.
Second, if you're starting out as a married couple and moving to a new place and your household goods haven't shown up yet, head down to the base lending closet (it's called different things but every post has them). They have some basic household goods that people have left behind for one reason or another that will get you through until yours arrive. This is free of charge. And if you're ETSing or PCSing and don't want to take everything with you, then you should consider taking things to it to help out others.
Third, there are programs on every base to help spouses find work and fine-tune their resume. It's generally held twice a month at the library on your post. It's free of charge and resources that many do not take advantage of. You also get points towards the hiring process as a military spouse. This is not a guarantee, but it does help when competing against other equally qualified civilian candidates.
Fourth, if there ever comes a time when you're worried about money and paying bills, there is an option that can help you. In the army, it's called an AER loan it's an interest-free loan that the service member can get approved through the military in emergency situations.
Fifth, if your service member is deployed and a family emergency, i.e., someone dies or you give birth, they can be contacted through red cross and be brought home. But red cross has to do it, so contact your local MWR or FRG, and they will tell you how to go about doing this.
Sixth, paternity leave see here
Seventh, if your service member is having mental health issues, direct them to military onesource this is a free confidential way for them to get help or tell them to go see their unit chaplain as long as they don't tell the chaplain they're going to kill someone or themselves whatever is said is in complete confidence. Do not wait. Mental health is not a joke or something to put on the back burner.
Eighth, I know you're all curious about what happens on deployments, and you want to help. But the best thing you can do is let them talk when and if they're ready too and not press them. And as hard as it may be, don't take it personally if they don't. It's very hard for us to talk about these things with people who haven't experienced it. It's not a failing in you or them or a reflection of your relationship it's just one of those situations. It also may be painful for them to relive it.
Ninth, no, despite the popular rumor, the military will not pay for your breast implants, but they will pay for certain things if you can get it cited by a doctor that it's for mental health issues at the very least they may be willing to pay a portion of the cost but it comes down to what the doctor writes in the referral.
Tenth, just remember you're all awesome. We are all just human doing the best we can.
Posted Jan 4, 2023, 6:09 PM UTC · edited