Bad Case of the Burnouts

I was working a different job pre-covid. I ended up moving to a small mountain town when covid came along and coasted on unemployment throughout that period.

Sept. 2021 is when that finally ended and I felt like Covid was finally to the side as well so I dove head first into doing Freelance work. This wasn't my first time however but this would be the first time I would rely solely on Freelance work. I knew I had a challenge ahead of me but I really had no other prospects for employment, nor was I interested in doing anything other.

Right away I would learn that finding work locally is nearly impossible. Again I'm in a small mountain town that's very rural. Not only that, but there is also already a large presence of freelancers and a few media companies. They literally have all of the work. Now before you say "well why don't you collabo.." I have. Many times. Mostly have gotten taken advantage of. I would have guys promise me work and never come through. THey would take months to pay. THey would tell me I'm doing a job and then literally call the day before and be like "it turns out I'm going to take this one." I think you can read between the lines of what's going on there.... I would work with these guys and then realize they're not people you want to work with. If someone is just using you for their gain, then how much of a partnership do you want to form with them? The guys around here have been here their entire lives and have turned over every rock. THink about it, do they really need EXTRA video guys here? No. You're nothing more than competition to them so if they can get some free work out of you why not?

So after bleeding all of that out I realized I would have to go abroad for my money. So I primarily started to focus solely on taking jobs off staffmeup and production hub. I had some success with this constantly reaching out and landing gigs mostly from agencies that want interviews and broll for the companies they are marketing.

THe downfall to this is simply that 50% of the clients you work with off of these sites are absolutely terrible to work with and will make your life a nightmare trying to get paid or finish projects. Needless to say I've been desperate all year to keep the paces running. I once set up a coffee meeting with the VP of marketing of a large company in my town. He said he would definitely get me work and then ghosted me. If I made minimum wage on the amount of time I've wasted doing these things then I would be doing alright.

Throughout the year I stayed focused and hustled as much as I could. I started to lose tolerance for bullshit clients. My one buddy "hired" me to do a shoot and edit and called me back after the shoot and said the client wasn't interested and he would "throw me some cash." Meaning $100.....

This is the shit that absolutely drives me over the fucking edge with this industry. THe amount of schemers is unreal. Rarely do I find a client that's just straightforward, comes through with promises, and pays you at the end. It's so rare that I'm surprised when it happens. And yes I have contracts but it seems people blatantly exploit any grey areas within them and you would have to have a 7 page contract outlining absolutley everything which is just asinine.

STILL though I managed. A lot of it was just bleeding. I once had a client book me for $1100 shoot and then mail me a check for $660 because they said they were taking taxes out. See what I mean?

I think I barely made $44k this year. WIth the amount of work I put in I don't think that was that bad however. THat was mostly just shooting and very little editing. Anytime I had spare cash I would re-invest back into equipment I deemed I needed. I bought lights, a sony a7siii, another lens. I finally got to the point where I feel like I have a very useful kit to complete projects.

THe problem with this stategy though was it left me dead ass broke. I probably spent around 6k purchasing gear. I also suffered a lot of vehicle problems from all the excess driving costing me 3-5k.

THis shit really sucks the life out of you. I had no money to invest in MYSELF. I never went out. I never socialized. I never eat out. DId nothing extra fun. It's caused me to be pretty bitter about all of it.

Now we're in the worst part of the season and I'm broke. I dislocated my shoulder a month ago and have been sick as fuck for the past 10 days. I can barely bring myself to leave my apartment. THe depression has sank in pretty deep. I'm sick of doing this shit and sometimes feel like just selling all of this shit and giving up. I know that's not an option though because I have nothing else to do. But I can't keep grinding and dealing with shit people for 40k. THat much I can fucking tell you.

So whaat's the solution? Fuck. I don't know. Everytime I research to find a better way I'm left with these guru's that more or less tell you to drum up a marketing agency overnight. "Just post on youtube everyday, and instagram 3 times a day, and reach out to 80 people everyday...." No fucking shit.

I'm burned out and frustrated with this shit. I thought it would be way easier if you had the gear and skills. Turns out you have to SELL SELL SELL. If I wanted to be a fucking salesman I would've gone to sell solar. Not a fucking video. It's a saturated market. There are people out there hiring cam ops with FS7s for $300 a day and getting loads of applicants. It's ridiculous. All the youtube douchebags that claim you can make a million doing this are fucking lying to you.