i had a sigmoidoscopy yesterday and i can’t stop thinking about how terrible the experience was for me

this is going to be a (probably very long) rant about my experience because it was really really horrible and i can’t stop thinking about it. sorry if this isn’t good for this subreddit (i’ll take it down if it isn’t) but i just need to get it off my chest because i keep reliving it and i can’t find anyone else that has had this bad of an experience with it.

i really don’t want to scare anyone off having it done, for the record, i’m glad i had it done because it rules out any physical causes for my symptoms - if a dr thinks you should have a sigmoidoscopy it is important that you HAVE IT - but i was under the impression that this would be a much less difficult procedure than it was and i don’t think anyone should go in to it not knowing that it COULD make you feel the way it made me feel, and not knowing that you might have to ask for a sedative or something to help with pain, because i didn’t know i wouldn’t just be offered it until it was too late.

also, if anyone else has had a similar, painful experience with a sigmoidoscopy i’d be interested to know if you know why, because everyone else keeps saying the procedure is meant to be “just uncomfortable” but the pain/sensation made me cry.

so, i had to fast from 3pm the day before in order to do bowel prep (idk why because every person i talked to in the hospital said you normally just have an enema). the prep i was told to take was the most disgusting thing i’ve ever had and i couldn’t drink it without gagging until it made me throw up so i decided to stop and call them in the morning to tell them i couldn’t take it. i ended up having to have an enema at the hospital before the procedure instead, which was a pretty gross experience but was ultimately way better than the prep because it actually worked.

my appointment was initially at 2pm but i was asked to come in at 1:15pm to have the enema done. no one told me if i could eat or not on the enema so i hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before still. i then had to wait until 3:30pm before they actually brought me in to have the procedure - i felt so terrible, my head was pounding, i couldn’t think straight and i was crazy hungry.

then i had the actual procedure and it was the worst experience of my life. up until that point everyone in the hospital had been really kind and caring and comforting (i was really nervous and they could tell) but once i was brought into the room where they did it it felt like all the care was gone and they just wanted me in and out as fast as possible. at no point did anyone mention any pain medication or sedation or anything (even though i know you can have those things, my dad was given gas and air when he had his done at a different hospital, and it had mentioned sedation in the leaflets i was given). but i was exhausted so i just went with it all and did as they said, kind of expecting that if i could have it or i obviously needed it they’d offer me it. i didn’t even think that i’d have to ask for it - especially since i couldn’t think straight from fasting. they didn’t tell me anything that was happening while it was happening, they didn’t even tell me it was about to start until i could feel the instrument already going in. i hated the sensation so much, it was like i had the worst diarrhoea cramps, the pain felt unbearable and disgusting. the whole time i was lying there thinking ‘i need this to stop’ ‘i can’t do this anymore’ ‘get this out of me’ ‘this needs to be over right now’. i was about to say i need this to stop when one of the nurses said it was on its way out now. the dr who was doing it didn’t say anything to me except tell me offhand that it would’ve been better if i’d taken the bowel prep (which i obviously knew and tried to do but threw up from it!!!!!) and at one point said something about my pelvic floor and that i needed to relax (while i was lying there trying so hard to control my breathing, not cry, not push, not tense and not shout at them to stop the whole thing right now). when it was over (which admittedly was really quick but it felt like forever while i was lying there) i was crying. i’d been trying to hold it in and keep breathing while it was happening but i had that feeling where you can’t stop the tears from falling the whole time. i sat up on the bed and no one said anything to try and comfort me, they just told me they hadn’t found anything in there and that it isn’t anything physical causing the sore tummy and irregular bowel movements. this was while i was wiping away tears trying to breathe normally. i felt disgusting and horrible and like i never want to see any of those people again. i just wanted to get out of the hospital as fast as possible.

one of the nurses in the room took me out to where my mum was waiting for me and i immediately started sobbing on her just saying it was so horrible. after a couple of minutes a different nurse came in and, like everyone i interacted with before the procedure, he was so lovely and kind. he brought me a cup of tea and some biscuits and said well done, it’s over now, etc. etc. then he asked if i’d had gas and air during it, which was the first time anyone at this hospital had even mentioned it and meant that they obviously do administer it for sigmoidoscopies at this hospital - so why did no one offer it to me?? when i was lying on the bed, gripping the side, tears falling from my eyes and breathing so loudly to try and regulate it? why did no one think maybe they aren’t dealing with this well and would appreciate some sedation, maybe she needs some help with this, maybe we should see if she’s okay?? it makes me really mad and really upset to think that it could’ve been so much less horrible but they just didn’t offer that to me. how am i supposed to know i have to ask for it, you know? i trusted them to do what was best for me, but they didn’t. they blatantly ignored the distress i was in, and didn’t offer any help for it when there was something right there that they give to other patients that they could’ve given to me. and if they couldn’t, for some reason, no one told that to me, it was never even mentioned by anyone i interacted with in the hospital until after the procedure.

i just feel horrible it was such a terrible experience and i don’t understand why it was so bad for me when most stories i’ve read about it have been that it wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t painful, it was just uncomfortable, that the prep is the worst part etc. but i genuinely can’t stop thinking about it, and i’m so glad they didn’t find anything because i don’t ever want to have to experience anything like that again. if i ever have to have another oscopy i will not have it unless they sedate me.

i don’t if there’s really any point to this rant. i just feel like shit, i couldn’t sleep last night because my brain wouldn’t stop reliving the experience. i really hope it’ll stop soon.