How to get into the lifestyle as a single male?

So I've always been interested in the lifestyle, ever since I was young and learned what it was. The thing is I don't really date and have never had an actual relationship with a girl to explore it with. A few years ago I got on Fetlife and have gone to a few events I found on there. Two gangbangs and a play party. My problem is whenever I see couples looking for a single guy they always want someone hung, which I am not. I'm about 5 inches fully hard. I use to be self conscious about it but at the events I attended I gained a lot of confidence because I was able to stay harder for much longer than the other guys packing 8 or 9 inches. The women seemed to really enjoy that, but these events usually require a donation for single guys and I'm growing a little tired of shelling out dough every time I want to play. What's the best way to find couples or single females in the lifestyle that aren't just seeking a hung bull?