How do I explain to my husband that we are poor?

Edit: there’s not possible way I can get through all these replies. First and foremost, I understand this is a public forum so I got what I got but I flaired this as a vent for a reason. I was fed up and just needed to air it out because I was tired of talking to my parents about the same old bs and I don’t have any friends right now because I’ve been so depressed and caught up with motherhood. With that being said, I wasn’t seeking advice but thank you for the unsolicited insight anyways, some of it was very helpful.

For those of you in the future who come across this post, things are already improving, I don’t need anyone trying to solve my life problems via Reddit. My husband is currently being mentored by my father to become a Network Engineer and will be testing for certs in the next 6 months. I’ve been living in this very inclement situation for the last 6 months and it’s has been so difficult to say the least. Again, I was just looking to let off so steam after another of my husband ridiculous comments. He apologized later on his own. Within the last 12 hours many things have improved. He also thankfully is interviewing for another position, actually FULL TIME hours, that makes $20-$25/hr so we’d be able to move out sooner than later. I know this isn’t alot long term but it’s a stepping stone. Im working very part time with a modeling agency that I didn’t mention but since I am pregnant I don’t get much work now. And I am doing freelance writing work as well so I’m not just existing even though being a SAHM battling a toxic living situation is a full time job within itself. a lot of you didn’t know the whole story and just jumped to all types of conclusions, whatever, it’s what to be expected honestly.

I’m not leaving my husband because he mildly abuses me. I hate it when it happens but I understand he’s a wounded man who is making poor choices but I know with the proper tools and help, he won’t always be this way. It’s just been a tough season on both of us. Yes, we shouldn’t be living here any longer but it won’t be for much longer thankfully. I’m just taking it day by day. I married my husband knowing he had PTSD but because I got pregnant on our wedding night, alot of things happened quicker than we expected and haven’t adapted as fast as we should, we both admit. I’m sure many can understand that. I love my husband incredibly and he isn’t a terrible guy at all, he struggles with the poor behavior his parents modeled for him and hasn’t learned yet how to be better in some ways, though he’s made some massive improvements. This situation is temporary and I’m treating it as such. Doesn’t mean it’s still hard, gosh. There’s alot more to our story but again this was just meant to be venting post, just take it for that. I’ve applied for WIC but unfortunately missed the phone appt so I have another one set up. I told my husband we’re going to the VA office this Friday to get some info and he said OK. We will reply for SNAP once we move out because we technically do share food and I don’t trust his family to give any statements for our benefits nor do I want them to help us any more. Thanks again to all of you trying to help and provide solidarity.

Original post: I am a SAHM to my 1 year old daughter. My husband makes $18/hr but only brings home $1800-2150/ month. His job unfortunately only schedules him 28-36 hrs/week and he doesn’t think he can handle another job because of how tired he is from the first. I’ve offered for me to get a daycare job , he said no. I’ve tried to get him VA disability, he doesn’t want to try (although he suffers from PTSD; he’s been out for almost 10 years). I tried applying for food stamps and because we live with his parent who make much more, we don’t qualify.

I’m close to losing my mind being in our current situation. We argue so often. Living with his family has been so toxic, we need to get out of ASAP. But because he doesn’t make 3x rent in our state, we can’t afford to leave. A lot of our arguments revolve around this living situation and our finances.

This morning, my husband’s stepdad comes into the kitchen and asked casually if my husband is going to pay him rent or can he not afford it. My husband says “ I’ll see what I can scrape by, definitely going to be short.” Then stepdad nods and walks away. The first 3 months we were able to pay him $1000 even though it left us with very little. But these last few months have been hard and since November we’ve been giving him $600 or $500. My problem is my husband will wait until the 4th or 5th, until his stepdad has to ask for it and he will just say, yeah I’m short and that’s it. He won’t explain, I only make $1800, I don’t work full times hours, he just leaves the guy in the dark. (His stepdad is the sole provider of his household, he used to make around $200k+ year but now I think he makes $175k or more. He supports my husbands mom, his 12 year old daughter and my husbands 27 year old brother who hasn’t worked in 4 years because of a vague kidney issue)

In the past I used to explain things to his family but it’s probably best now if I do not because of how badly things have gotten between me and them. Today I tried telling my husband that he should explain to his stepdad that he doesn’t make enough to pay him the rent he expects and he said he’s not going to do that because his income is not stepdads fault and $1000 is a fair amount. I don’t agree that $1000 is fair but my opinion doesn’t matter, obviously. My husband then went on to say that it’s my fault that we can’t pay him enough because I spend our money frivolously. For one, we have separate accounts, any money I receive my husband has to send it to me and I have to ask for it and tell him what it’s for. He doesn’t seem to understand that we do not make enough money to support a family of 3 ( I am currently pregnant as well). he is looking for a higher paying job but he consistently blames our tight finances on my habits as opposed to the blaring issue that we need more money to support ourselves.

He expects us to live off of $120 of groceries every 3-4 weeks. Meanwhile his family will eat some of our food and it ends up being gone within 5 days. I do the best I can as a breastfeeding, pregnant mother. I admit I get a $5 burger once a week and split it with my daughter because we out and about and I want to “treat myself” but that is not what is breaking the bank. My husband spend $15-$25/ week on tobacco vapes but I dare not bring that up. I often feel like the only way to get through to him is if I have a full on mental breakdown and I’m so close.