i don’t feel like a human being

I feel like an alien in human skin. Like I don’t nor shouldn’t exist. I’m not sure of how to interact from one situation to the next and constant socialization kills me.

I run everyone good in my life away because I simply cannot get my brain to function as it should. I feel like a downer and this effects my ability to make friends, because no one wants to be friends with a downer. Even though I try to hide my emotions and not bog others down in my problems, my inner emotions still show through. There’s no hiding that i’m not okay. I just can’t say it. And saying it wouldn’t make a difference anyhow. People would still be upset.

Idk. I’m on a trip right now and so many emotions are hitting me at once. I’ve been spending every waking moment of the day with a large group of people and as an introvert I feel like i’m losing my mind. I’m stressed as all hell.

Most of all I just feel alone despite being surrounded by people. I don’t know how not to feel this way. I’ve tried not dwelling on it but there’s a lingering weight on my chest pulling me down and I’m in a constant mental battle with it. I’m not sure what to do or how to change. I wish i could though because i hate this feeling.