Hey, we’re survivors

Bit dramatic, but so are our lives. We really are survivors.

We’ve lived through trauma and the changes it’s had on our lives. We self harm. We abuse substances. We have extreme relationships. We feel impossibility like most others have never felt; sometimes we just.. can’t.

The description of BPD lives being “rollercoasters” is very accurate for me… every day feels like a battle of extreme ups and downs. It is very difficult to ever feel like I’ve had an entirely good day. Half the time, I want to die so I don’t have to be so stressed all the time. The other half of the time, I am genuinely happy with life. Feeling such extreme conflicting emotions is confusing and frustrating. I hate my life but I love it at the same time.

When I allow myself sit back and reflect on everything, I see myself as a very strong person. The fact that I am alive is proof enough! I haven’t killed myself and neither have you. We should be more than proud of this.

We continue to endure. We continue to suffer. But we find the strength to keep surviving. How have we managed this? I don’t really know… I like to believe that subconsciously, I think that I deserve to live a good life. I think my brain treats every struggle like a slap in the face to the traumas I have gone through in the past. And I keep fighting because deep down I know I can, even if I am actively thinking that I can’t.. It’s the survivor in me that keeps me going.