Tell me I’m not disgusting.

Tell me I’m not disgusting..It might just be my hormones because I’m on my period. But I was told to clean my room yesterday I was kinda annoyed but I didn’t say anything. In the middle of cleaning my room I was think about stuff and I wanted to shut myself up with something but I didn’t wanna go downstairs to get something to eat because I didn’t wanna get question about the red rash on my arm but I was itching to eat something..and I remember just a few days ago (about 5 or 6 days) I threw away a piece of candy that I didn’t really wanna eat. It wasnt really wrapped like at all it was a sucker. So I ate it..I ate something out of the trash that has been in my room for 2 years at this point (due to New Years and don’t worry it was just paper some wrappers etc. nothing rotting) but I know it’s just a piece of candy but I felt disgusting not due ti the sucker but I ate food out the trash..it..made me thing about the time my mother made me eat food off the floor that I threw up (it wasn’t actual puke but it was half chewed and disgusting.) I guess I binge eat? I’m not sure maybe that isn’t binge eating but I eat my feelings so. Feel free to call me weird or whatever. At this point I don’t even care but there is something wrong with me. Oh and another time when I was 7 years old my mental health was so bad that I had bugs in my room constantly like thousands. Because how bad my school was and my family screaming at me to get my grades up or I’m getting kicked out of school. They pushed me to my limit so many times..I took a knife to my stomach and tried to stab myself to death it never works because i was afraid of the pain like the coward I was. This didn’t only happen once happened about 4 more times but I never did anything I tried to SH never worked. A few years later this happened just like 2 years ago my mom set up a zoom meeting with a doctor (I have adhd if that means anything) I’m not sure what kind of doctor but I have seen him before when I did a game puzzle thing it was a test for my memory or something) he asked me if I have ever tried to kill myself before. I sat there looking at my hands in my lap wondering if I should tell them the truth. I lied.