Have you ever hurt yourself and thought "this is the dumbest way anyone has hurt themselves, ever," and if so, what's the story?
Posted Jan 5, 2023, 3:45 AM UTC
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Pulled a muscle in my rib cage because I sneezed so hard.
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I hate those times you sneeze so hard your sack hurts. Just me? Nevermind
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I was taking a mattress out of the box and letting it inflate I was standing to close to it and it lifted and took off my whole big toe nail.
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I had to get stitches after I cut myself with a butter knife. What was I cutting? Butter. To be fair it was frozen, but I also chose to cut it in the air because the counter was dirty and I didn't want to get a plate. After nearly severing my tendon... I will never cut butter in the air again.
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You are now the second person I have ever heard of who cut themselves severely with a butter knife. At least you are not alone.
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Yeah... but I'm probably the dumbest that I know... it is a common thing (I've actually done it a few times lol) but that had to be the dumbest, most extreme injury I've self-inflicted.
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Oh, let me count the ways.
The lid of a can of dog food. 5 stitches.
Got out of bed with new bamboo floors and socks on. Three foot surgeries later. Still have a limp from it.
Broken arm trying to move a billiards table by myself.
Jumped out of a tree as a kid and landed on a stick that went directly into my eye.
Pulled my middle toes nail completely off while taking a sock off.
I probably have a 100 more, "I'm a dumbass" injuries like this.
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My sympathies friend, you have no manner of luck at all.
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You may want to see a priest, or a geneticist. Sounds like you’re either cursed, or Darwin hates you.
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Not me but a buddy of mine in college. He was a drunk. Drunk, fall down, drag him to the bed drunk. And one night he was like, “I’m great at throwing knives.” 🤣 So he throws a knife, catches it, throws it again, catches it, throws it again, three freaking inches into his thigh. He starts screaming and everybody called to his roomie like, time to call 911. That guy….
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Cut my finger open on the jagged crust of a baguette.
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I sat for a long time in a position that made both my legs fall asleep, then stood up too quickly and tried to walk across the room. I immediately sprained both my ankles so badly I could hear the snap reverberate, took me 3+ months to fully heal.
It's so dumb I'm not even ashamed. It's a fun story to tell.
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I'm mostly making this post because I have to tell someone, but if I tell anyone else I know besides my partner, they'll laugh at me until the day I die.
I was sober as a church mouse, completely awake, and in a well-lit kitchen fishing in a drawer for a marker. I ended up catching my fingernail on a potato peeler and started the process of peeling my nail like a potato skin.
I think I may be the very first person in history to draw blood with a potato peeler that I wasn't actively using.
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So
Um
Why do you keep markers and peelers in the same drawer?
They seem different enough to be in different drawers.
Not mocking (more than necessary), just trying to understand your storage decisions.
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You know those silverware dividers? Ours has a long side slot that's much longer than any knife or fork, but very skinny. That's where we keep random things we need when working with ingredients and packages. The peeler, markers to write on containers, binder clips for clamping non-resealable bags, etc.
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Broke a rib as a teen trying to keep my feet dry on a theme park water ride. I slid forward to stick my feet fully under the seat in front of me (it was one of those "giant wave" boat rides), which moved the lap bar to the height of my lowest rib and much closer to my body. We hit the water and owwwwwww
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As an adult, maybe 7 or 8 yeara ago, I was climbing on the roof for some reason(I can't even remember why now). It wasn't that high, barely a foot away from the ground if I hung from the coping with my hands, I thought. I had climbed onto the roof via my mums van, but on the way down, I wasn't quite able to reach, so decided I'd just hang then drop the last foot. My noodle arms had other ideas, and I couldn't even get down to my hands to hang down, from resting on my elbows. Tumble I go, hitting my head on mums van on the way down. Probably why I can't remember why I went up in the first place🤣🤣
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Threw out my back to the point of not being able to move or barely breathe. I was slightly bent over the bed folding laundry.
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Slipped and hit my head on a shelf while in a towel and trying to stay quiet in a dorm room setting within a vacation house.
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I used to be a caterer and was shopping at costco in a rush. There was a "case" of canned olives that was really just 4 cans held together with cardboard. As I was lifting it, a can started to fall out, so I went to grab it with my other hand and smacked my thumb against the can so hard, besides hurting like a mother, it turned all kinds of colors and I ended up losing that nail- it wsa 8 months before it looked and felt normal again.
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Cut my finger with a soldering iron. Burned myself on a sewing machine. No, I don't have those mixed up. I expect I'll burn myself with a cold drink or hit my head on a lowrider next.
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I know exactly how you did both of those things, and while I am laughing, I swear I'm not laughing at your pain.
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Teaspoon imbedded roof of mouth , had sudden uncontrollable sneeze while eating cereal.
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I've cut two fingers off exactly one year apart from each other. My pointer and my pinky. The docs got them back on and work fine for the most part. I'm a good sushi chef I swear.