I can't stop thinking about my best friend.

Hi, you don't know me.. but I want to tell a story slot of people i know know, of me. Before I get into the story i want to say that I'm in a relationship and have no further contact or feelings of love or desire about this person. What I'm about to say might anger some of you or even trigger, but this is my story of life and I can't change anything about it. Also if there are typos I'm dyslexic :)

Story: I (F17) met my best friend (M17) when we were both around 12 years old. I found a new school to go to and was greeted by a nice class of fun children. At the first real day of school a future friend of mine forgot something and was scared to ask, so as others would do for me I helped her out and asked the teacher if they had an extra paper. The teacher appolegized and said you should ask some classmates. All got fixed but we were given a small test to make in total silence. After a couple of minutes I heard a nervous kicking sound. It was a... Boy? Girl? No a boy! My future beat friend. We started giggling, annoying the whole class a bit as we were kicking our pens. Later I found out who he was and we started talking. I was in a relationship back then, my first ever one. And my best friend clearly showed he was jealous. Not even a week later I found out my boyfriend cheated with a whole group of girls. Not surprised, i broke up with him. A couple of weeks later my other best friend (F11) ran rewards me with a friend (M12) asking ne if I liked my best friend. Scared out of my mind I admitted I liked him. Later that day he confessed to me and we were together. After almost 8 months we broke up of a stupid reason. At first I didn't know why but there were 2 different story's. 1 my mental health and 2 that I was too good to be true... I didn't know what to believe, but after weeks, months and eventually even years.. we still loved each other. Always talking about getting back together. Then having no contact for months and suddenly talking again. When we broke up I told him he'd have a huge piece of my heart loving him for ever. I don't love him anymore after 3 years it kinda went away, But something happened. He randomly texted me asking if we could meet. I was in a different relationship back then but it wasn't going great so I'd love to talk to my best friend. He came by and we walked outside, telling me all that happened the last time we spoke and also .. he was leaving for a couple of months, i don't exactly know why but I was shocked. When we arrived back to my house he told me he had to go and meet his dad. Before he left he gave me a big soft and caring hug and told me "you will forever be my darling." Not sure what to say I told him "same for you" and gave the last wave of goodbye. I broke up with my boyfriend later that week. I felt free, happy, not under pressure of that awful person but.. something was wrong. I missed my ex. I didn't want to but after the last words he spoke to me I fell in love for the 1000th time. Months went by and the date that he would return came. I could only contact him of one website because he didn't own a good phone i think? I tried to message him and waited for an answer. Hours,days and again weeks went by, Nothing. I went to look at his account and found out something happened with it, i got blocked? Or so I thought. Now months have passed with anger for this person giving no reason of him leaving me after all we've been through. I started dating again. I am in love with this person, madly in love and want an amazing future with them. My partner knows about my best friends existence and knows I mis him. We talked about it and later my partner found out that my best friend could have also deleted his account because there was no user name. After that o found myself worrying about my best friend every day. I mis him. A lot. I don't love him in a romantic way but I do love our friendship. I just want him to come by or even look for contact with me. I want to know why he left me like this and if anything happened. I might not be his girlfriend anymore but I'm still ducking nosey and the insane crazy but fun best friend I am.

Please if you read this let me know what I did wrong and I'll bother you no longer if you wish for it.

Take care A.

Sorry for the long story. If any of you have questions let me know.