Idk what I want

I don’t know if I want the skinny toned body type because I want everything else but I’m scared of becoming flat everywhere (I’m a b cup and my flutes are lacking shape) , I don’t know if I want the muscular glutes and big thighs and toned-ish arms. I’m skinny fat so my legs and arms are super skinny but have some muscle on them and then my stomach/face holds the most fat. I don’t want to bulk more cause I know I’m going to be more insecure and probably eventually give up. I just need advice in what’s the right direction to go in. Should I just weight lift and eat my protein goal but not eat added calories because I don’t want excess fat.