The Reeve Amidst The Green (25) Goblin Kisses (pt.1)

In the conference room in the Town Hall in Refuge, a meeting was taking place between a young woman and two goblins, a male and a female.

“I have spoken with Dun Smith about your usual rate,” said Morr to the young human. “We will pay it plus an extra coin for each ten, if you will … what’s the word? Dictation. Yes, take dictation. These will be the laws of Goblin Town, as stated by the headman and headwoman, and you will be the first to put them in writing.”

“This will be in the speech of men, won’t it? I don’t know the goblin writing system. Or the goblin speech, not much,” said Rima Hemmett, uncertainly.

“It will be in the speech of men,” said Adii, reassuringly. “Copies will be made, and given to your Reeve for the records in Refuge. Later, we will see to translating it into the speech of goblins. But it will still be in the human alpha-bet.”

“I charge by the hour,” said Rima. “About how long is this likely to take?”

“That remains to be seen,” said Morr. “Between the Great Laws, the lesser laws, and the verities, I am hoping to be done in one or two days. You will be paid for any part-hours as if they were full hours, and we understand that you will need to take breaks; no one can write nonstop for hours. Do you have any other questions?”

“It seems pretty straightforward,” said Rima with a smile. “When will we start?”

“We will expect you at the Long House in Goblin Town, tomorrow morning, say an hour after sunrise,” said Adii.

Rima looked surprised. “Goblin Town? Not here?”

“In Goblin Town, at the Long House,” said Adii. “The Objects of Remembrance are there. And there are frankly too many to bring here. Each Object has a law or a verity tied to it; its association is how we remember the laws in the first place. It’s one of the reasons we want to write down the laws in the first place; a book of laws is easier to move around. Is this a problem?”

Rima did some quick math in her head. “I can work no more than eight hours in a day,” she said. “And I’ll need time in the daylight to walk home, at the end of the day.”

“This is acceptable,” said Morr. “Only reasonable, really.”

Rima took a deep breath. She’d never been to Goblin Town. But for a payday like this, she could manage a day or two there. “All right, then,” she said. “Tomorrow morning.”

********************

It was the second half of the wareso, the long goblin lunch hour. Most of the human customers had finished their tea and pastries at Megga’s Bakery, and it had moved into the time of early afternoon that Megga called the Goblins’ Hour, and Mirk had got the stepstool out so as to take advantage of the lull in business and change the paper filter in the tea urn before the goblins began to show up. A few had already shown up to take tables, and sipped tea and ate cakes and smiled at Megga, behind the counter, and hoped like mad that perhaps little Morus would suddenly want his lunch. A few human customers remained as well, conversing in the background. At least, until the bell on the door tinkled, and all conversation stopped, quite abruptly. Mirk rotated his ears backwards, trying to hear what had happened; dead silence.

He glanced over his shoulder. He nearly fell off the stepstool.

Bakery ceilings tend to be constructed high; multiple ovens make a bakery kitchen a hot place to be, and high ceilings help to draw off and disperse the heat. It is also handy if an ogre happens to wander in.

Mirk hung onto the tea urn, trying to regain his balance. Behind him, a remarkably deep yet feminine voice said, “Oh, I like this place! It smells good! I can stand up tall in here!”

Megga blinked, looking at the strange trio that had just come in. A human man, in tunic and trousers, with high leather boots on – was that Charli Buds? With him was a goblin woman, dressed in goblin fashion, but human fabrics. And, unlikeliest of all, an ogre woman, eight and a half feet tall, with great broad shoulders and long thick black hair, wearing a blue and white striped halter top that left her midriff bare, and a rather short matching skirt. Barefoot, Megga noticed. Draped across the ogre’s shoulders like a shawl was what appeared to be the comforter off a bed.

Well, why not? Megga thought crazily, it’s cold out there. She felt an urge to slowly move towards the curtain leading into the kitchen and flee screaming out the back door, baby in her arms.

“Glaah,” said little Morus.

In the silence, this drew everyone’s attention. And the goblin woman saw Megga’s baby, and her mouth fell open, and she took several steps forward. “Oh,” she said softly. “Oh. You are Megga,” she said. “Is … this Mirk’s child?”

Megga stood behind the counter, her eyes flicking back and forth from the ogre, who stood marveling at the wonders of the bakery, to the approaching goblin, who was focused on her baby. She flicked a glance at Mirk, who was still atop the stepladder and seemed to be trying to dance with the tea urn.

On the edge of panic, Megga turned her eyes back to the goblin woman, who immediately stopped, just short of the far side of the counter. “Oh,” the goblin said. “I’m sorry. I’m upsetting you.” She ceased her approach, but still stared at the baby in Megga’s arms with a wistful expression.

On the far side of the room, Mirk finally caught his balance, and with one hand on the tea urn, finally was able to get a good look at the intruders. “Shuffa?” he said, with some surprise.

Shuffa glanced at Mirk, and then back to Megga. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I am Shuffa. I mean no harm. I am being rude. I’m sorry,” and began to back away from the counter.

Mirk stepped down off the stepladder and discarded the old wet paper filter in a nearby wastebasket. “This is Oddri?” he said. “I’ve heard of you. Ada, Mildred, and Nessie talk about you. They speak well of you. Can we help you with something?”

The man spoke for the first time. “I’m Charli Buds,” he said, addressing Mirk. “Megga, you remember me, but I don’t think you’ve met my friends, Oddri and Shuffa, and we were hoping for a bite of lunch. Is it all right if we order some things? We can take them with us.”

Megga, having had a moment to regain her composure, said, “We have table space. If you’d like to be seated, we can see to you directly.”

**********************

In the place that was coming to be known as the Goblin Common, Arnuvel took a bite of sausage and a tall drink of beer, and enjoyed the show.

The meeting with Morr and Adii had gone well. They’d returned from Refuge with Arnuvel in tow, having negotiated with a scribe to write what Morr called, with some glee, “the first book of goblin law.” They’d concluded their business in the Long House, and broken for lunch. Morr and Adii had offered to have food brought in, but Arnuvel had chosen instead to soak up some of the local color, buying one of the sausages on a stick and a mug of beer in the Common. He was glad he had. A group of musicians had gathered around one of the tables, and a goblin maid was dancing on it. She’d locked down the attention of pretty much everyone on the common, human and goblin alike.

Arnuvel found the spectacle enchanting. It was cold out for public performance, but the goblins, the dancer included, were warmly dressed, and the dancer was performing dips and flourishes with her fur-lined cape in a way that made her look like a graceful bird, soaring without traveling, as she danced on the tabletop.

The song and the musicians were unlike anything Arnuvel had ever seen before. One woman beat a rapid time with two wooden D-shaped objects; the curved surface was lined with tiny bells that jingled as she shook them. A drummer rapidly beat a tattoo on his big round drum with two double-ended drumsticks. Yet another goblin played an odd, shrill hornlike instrument with two long bell-shaped horns protruding from his mouth, and the last one strummed complex chords on a six-stringed instrument something like a guitar. The music was at once more rapid and shrill than Arnuvel was used to – with a hint of the barbaric – but it was far from discordant, and damned if Arnuvel didn’t find himself caught up in the crowd’s pleasure at the impromptu show, unconsciously conducting a goblin orchestra with his half eaten sausage.

The dance concluded with a final sharp chord on the guitar-thing, and the dancer spun and swirled her cape a last time, and bowed. The crowd roared their appreciation, and most of the goblins – and a few humans – approached the table and began to toss coins on it at the dancer’s feet.

Ah, so that’s how this is done, thought Arnuvel, remembering the street performers of his youth in the Capitol. He ate the last bite of sausage, and discarded the stick in a trash barrel, and approached the table. The humans present, realizing who he was, stopped cold, and a couple of them began to back away from the table. A few of the goblins, recognizing him, acted likewise. The dancer, who did not recognize him, smiled and waved, anticipating a tip.

Arnuvel smiled back, and deposited a silver coin on the tabletop, amidst the scattering of copper.

The delighted dancer squealed with joy, seized Arnuvel by the cheeks, and kissed him.

The reaction of the crowd was mixed. A number of humans and goblins, recognizing a great breach of human boundaries, fell silent. The other goblins, not understanding, laughed and clapped. Part of the show!

The goblin dancer released Arnuvel’s face and beamed a great smile at him, a sharp toothed expression of joy. Arnuvel laughed, and swept up the dancer, who squealed in surprise, and spinning around, gracefully deposited her on her feet on the ground, and pointed her at the table. She looked back at him with a grin, and began to gather the coins, assisted by her bandmates. Arnuvel grinned, and tipped back the last of his beer, and headed for Deek’s Bar to toss his empty mug in the collection barrel.

“A gracious gesture, sir,” said a human man in passing. Arnuvel recognized him as the handyman at the Refuge Inn, though he couldn’t remember the man’s name.

Arnuvel tossed his mug and landed a bulls-eye in the barrel. “When in Goblin Town,” he answered the man, “one should do as the goblins might. And I’ve suffered worse blows and humiliations than a goblin maid’s kiss!”

**********************

I remember when a goblin in here would have cleared the dining area, thought Megga. Times have changed. The four humans and five goblins already in the bakery had chosen to remain, and the conversation has even started up again, softly, though with eyes firmly cocked towards the table nearest the door where the odd party had taken up seats.

The fairy-iron chairs in the bakery were, surprisingly, strong enough to hold Oddri’s weight, although she’d had to push two together in order to have room to sit down with her entire fundament. Charli had ordered hot tea for the three of them, and a sampler tray, and as an afterthought, had asked if he could have a dozen of the chocolate iced dragon-snaps.

“Those aren’t cheap,” she had said. “Those are chocolate.”

“I know,” laughed Charli, who seemed to be in remarkably good spirits. “Neither of these two has ever tried chocolate before, and I reckon it’s time they did. If they like it like I think they will, I mean to order them a chocolate cake. A big one.”

Behind the counter, Mirk shoveled chocolate dragon snaps onto the tray. “I’m afraid we have to insist on advance payment for chocolate cakes,” he said. “Half in advance, and it will be a day or two.”

“I’ll just pay in full in advance, if they like the chocolate,” Charli said with a grin, “and you can tell me when to come back for it. We’re celebrating today, and neither one of these two has ever tasted the delights that Megga has under glass.”

“Is that why you came in?” said Megga, smiling. “I would have thought next door would be a better choice for a big lunch.”

“I do like goblin pie,” said Charli, “but Oddri doesn’t much like beer. She likes tea just fine, and I’m lookin’ forward to seein’ the looks on these two’s faces when they try that sample tray.”

“Mirk, put some extra brownies on there for them, then,” said Megga. She had noticed that Shuffa was still watching her closely… her eyes still locked on baby Morus, held in his sling at Megga’s breast. “Shuffa,” she said, “would you like to see my little one?”

Shuffa made eye contact with Megga for the first time since she’d entered the bakery. “Yes,” she said. “I would. Please.”

Megga came around the counter with Mirk, who carried a square wooden tray laden with cookies, pastries, and other delights, which he put on Charli’s table. Megga uncovered little Morus’ head, and stepped close to Shuffa, who looked at the baby with something between suffering and wonder. “He’s … beautiful,” she said. “His eyes are like human eyes, almost. And he has your hair, but… he looks like Mirk, too…”

“Yeah,” said Charli, looking over Shuffa’s shoulder. “Got his father’s nose.”

Looking over both of them, Oddri cocked her head. “So little,” she said. “You are little, too,” said Oddri, looking at Megga. “You are … almost like a goblin. But human. And your baby is… somewhere in the middle. I don’t have the words for this.”

“Wonderful,” said Shuffa.

“Wonderful is good,” said Oddri. “Wonderful baby.”

“GlaaAAAhh!” said the baby, decisively.

************************

“It’s time,” said Jon. “Are you ready?”

In the house they shared in Goblin Town, the preparations had been made. Teej had a bag containing a long tunic sized to fit a human; it was big and baggy enough that it should do as far as clothing, no matter what shape she wound up walking home in. “I am,” she said. “We go.”

“Last chance to back out,” said Jon. “We can do this any time. It doesn’t have to be now.”

“You are sweet,” said Teej. “You know I am scared. And because I am scared, I will go with you now. We will do this now. And we will begin the rest of our lives, today.” She reached out and took him by the hand, and together, they headed for the front door.

“Jon?” she said, as he locked the door behind them.

“Mmm?”

“What… if when I am human… I am ugly? To you?”

“Ain’t happenin’,” he said. “You are Teej. And if you live to be a thousand years old, you couldn’t be ugly to me.”

******************

The long lunch hour was past. The Buds family were on their third sample tray; Oddri had been curious about everything in the display cases,.Megga had been a little concerned, but Charli had paid up front for the trays and tea, and so she and Mirk had kept them coming.

“Seriously?” said Mirk, openmouthed.

“Seriously,” laughed Charli. “The potatoes were harder, ‘cause you got to plow deeper, but Shuffa’s crop you plant shallow, so Oddri had that field of hers plowed in no time. It was fun! And then we all went and jump’t in the river, and we been good friends, since.”

“I couldn’t have done it without them,” said Shuffa.

“The honey butter is so good,” said Oddri. “It is osmora, and more. It makes bread taste like the cakes. I never thought I could have so much fun eating something. And I like to eat.”

When goblins came to buy things, thought Megga, I had the idea for Goblin Night at the bakery. And now that an ogre has come to buy, I wonder if I will have anything left to SELL on Goblin Night! Still, it’s not like they aren’t paying for it…

“The honey butter is amazing,” said Shuffa. “If I had known about all this, I would have spent more of my money here. What are these things?” she asked, holding up a thick oblong cookie, pointed on both ends.

“Those are Goblin Kisses,” said Mirk with a grin.

“Goblin Kisses?” said Shuffa, looking back at Mirk. “Why are they called that?”

“Because I invented them,” said Mirk with a friendly leer, “and Megga very much likes them.”

“Oh,” said Oddri. Everyone looked at her. She held half a brownie in her hand, and wore a stunned look on her face. “Charli?”

“Yes?” Charli said. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” said Oddri. “But… Charli, if … you asked me… which is better… this brown thing… or groja… I might have to sit down and think about it before I answered.”

“Well, that’s it, then,” said Charli. “Mirk, tell me how much that cake is going to cost, and when we can come and get it. Big one. Like that one over there,” he said, pointing at a cake in the display case.

“Charli, that’s a wedding cake,” said Mirk.

“Right. So you can make those in chocolate, right? With chocolate icing? I’ll pay off the whole thing in advance. And forget about the fancy frilly decorations; just plain chocolate icing is fine.”

“This is chocolate? Again, I have been a fool,” said Shuffa, having bitten a Goblin’s Kiss in half. It oozed chocolate icing within. “I could have bought these anytime I wanted… but I was in a hurry to leave the human town, after I did business here...”

Oddri popped the other half of the brownie into her mouth and her face reflected bliss.

“You’re going to want help eating a cake that size,” said Megga.

Oddri smiled.

“I reckon it won’t be too much,” said Charli. “Like I said, we’re celebrating a good year.”

*********************

Teej and Jon emerged from the trees into the mushroom field, and saw the gazebo sitting in the middle of the clearing. Teej had stopped in the woods and changed into her oversized dress; the neckline hung loosely off one green shoulder, and she had to hold up the hem to keep it from dragging in the dirt. Jon carried the bag with her goblin clothes in it. “It won’t be long, now,” he said.

In the gazebo, shapes appeared, waiting for them.

*********************

Mirk and Megga waved goodbye as the Buds family exited the bakery, and smiled and waved until the door closed and the little ting-aling bell fell silent.

“Well,” said Mirk. “We and the Magicians are officially no longer the craziest thing in town, I think.”

Megga nodded. “That Charli must have a cock the size of my arm.”

“Bluh, bluh, bluh,” commented little Morus, sagely.

https://www.newgrounds.com/dump/draw/6f6ba42af2b9567138f00302f254e4ab

Back to Chapter 24:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinGirls/comments/10dr0e0/the_reeve_amidst_the_green_24_weighty/

On to Chapter 25 Part 2!

https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinGirls/comments/10fo95d/the_reeve_amidst_the_green_25_goblin_kisses_pt_2/