[916] TPHB

My cash in

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/10etj10/921_thirst/j4y07oa/

I was working on this story as an exercise, after asking a few randos what might be a good story prompt to work on. I have plans for this to be finished at some point and maybe be like 2K words? 3K maybe?

However, I am 916 words in, and I realize this might be basically a "turd" story again. This could be one of those stories that no amount of polishing can make readable, because the basic foundations of the story are not fun to read.

As such, I am looking for some indication if the foundation of this story has merit. I know the grammar is likely wrong, ect ect, but I want to know if having a guy in a basement for 2K words is unredeemable.

Fair warning

If you are in a bad place mentally, trigger warning, maybe don't read this.

Story

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cz9AjGZrmFvQ3KojEoggwSxdnbWTRtgtKmYh26oRIfA/edit?usp=sharing

For tonal reason I want the story to be yellow on black. If this hurts your eyes, I have a black on white version.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14FB9nOr0t7bjqBkQFmMSJuIoV55BUgEO18sAts90230/edit?usp=sharing

Questions Afterward

• 1. Do you think this so far is readable? If he put on a headset for like 1K words at least and moved around in a VR space, would that make this more readable? How bad is the experience of reading about a guy lying in darkness for almost 1K words?
• 2. Do you think there is too much or too little indication about who this guy is, what the setting is like? Why he's in the dark?
• 3. What do you think this guy's mental state is? Do you think he has some condition?
• 4. Assuming you had some kind of "sunk cost fallacy" while reading this... What would the payoff be? Him deciding to improve himself and deal whatever his situation is involving the body pillow, or him interacting with another person like himself?

Optional

• 5. Uhhh, for ****s and giggles, what do you think is the situation? What do you think is going on?

EDIT

• 6. Why do you think the text is yellow on black? What are your thoughts on it?