[2208] Voices

Genre: Crime and maybe SciFi-ish?

Link to my critique (it includes two comments - my comment + the reply to my comment): [2311] The Height of Civilization

Link to my work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AFrfJIKM93GS32AgHCtkjOh_WbzzKBst0DKTL0M_tsU/edit?usp=sharing

This is my first fiction work since elementary school - as such, you could say that I am new to "serious, grown-up" creative writing. Would love tips on that aspect and how I can get people really invested in a story. Plus, would love to hear any other thoughts and comments you guys may have. Thank you!