Source
r/FIREyFemmes•
This-Raspberry7262

advice for burnout from bad living situation?

I was inspired by the threads this week about job burnout. I’m feeling really burned out lately from my living situation and wondering if anyone has advice about coping in the short term with a non ideal living situation.

The specifics of my situation: I’m sharing a studio with my boyfriend. It sucks because we both work from home a majority of the time and our schedules of when we’re going to be out of the apartment for work or errands is constantly changing. I find it incredibly distracting to work while he’s here, even when he’s being quiet, just because it’s hard to ignore another person. We’re getting on each other’s nerves, a lot.

A workspace isn’t ideal for me because among other reasons I regularly need to be able to take very long video calls, I need a quiet environment to be able to hear stuff (no music playing in the background) and my work setup involves an external hard drive - so it would be annoying for me to pack up for bathroom trips since you can’t leave your laptop unattended. I also have a disease that means I need very frequent bathroom trips, often an emergency.

But I can’t afford to move right now, or at least I can’t afford to move to a bigger place in the same area. My boyfriend is unwilling to consider moving to a cheaper area a little further out from where we are now and neither of us can afford to pay much more in rent. I’m unwilling to move to a place by myself because I think that stopping to live together would damage our relationship - and honestly our current rent is so cheap for the city we live in, even if I moved to a worse neighborhood on my own it would cost me $400 more a month to live with roommates than I’m paying right now.

I think the solution is to get a better paying job so that I can work on saving up to get out of this situation long term (pipe dream: buy a place) but I’m so burned out from the stress of this apartment I’m struggling to find the time and mental energy to even think about applying to jobs. How do I carve out space for myself to function while I’m in this situation?

Tl;dr: I’m sharing a really cheap studio with my boyfriend and finding it really hard on my stress levels. My income is so low that I can’t really afford to move. How can I work on getting a better job while I’m at my rope’s end with my living situation (boyfriend and I both work from home)? I’d welcome any ideas for temporary reprieves from the apartment.

Posted Feb 12, 2023, 8:39 AM UTC

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

59
Garp5248•

To we echo this post. If OP can afford to mention to move elsewhere without him she absolutely should.

I’m unwilling to move to a place by myself because I think that stopping to live together would damage our relationship

Yea, you know what else will damage your relationship? Extended burnout, a depressive episode etc. Recognizing burnout is one thing, but you also need to take steps to make a change of it will get worse.

23
ApprehensiveTheme474•

Also idk how salvageable the relationship is in general if she’s saying hey I’m in crisis and we have to do something and his answer is no this works for me.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

This is both of our first real adult relationship, it's my first relationship of this length period and it's our first time living with a partner rather than parents or roommates – and the fact that it's a one-room studio apartment is making it extremely stressful, plus the fact that our choices are so limited by financial constraints. I'm trying to compromise but it's hard! I literally just ordered a room divider so hopefully that helps.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

My boyfriend didn’t say he would never, ever consider moving from this apartment, just that he wants us both to have better paying jobs so we can afford to get a nice apartment instead of paying another $200ish a month to move to a “still not good enough” apartment and having to move again in a year or two, since moving is stressful and expensive and he’s been moving every year or two for the past 10 years and just wants to spend a chunk of time in one place. My post was already so long but that’s more context of why he’s unwilling to move right now.

He’s also cooperating with me a bit on needing space. I asked him to find a time when he could arrange to make plans with friends so I could have the apartment to myself for a night for my mental health and he did. I guess that could be one solution of just having one night or afternoon a week where he consciously leaves and lets me be alone.

3
OhhSuzannah•

Anecdotal storytime:

I feel your situation so hard. I was in a similar situation the last few years except I had a roommate. I worked very long and hard hours in person and my room mate worked from home. All I wanted on my days off were to watch TV uninterrupted in the common spaces but she was ALWAYS home and I never got time to myself. She initally gave me some insight to her schedule so i could plan time when i could have alone time, but after awhile it really spurred some hard feelings and we werent on good terms.

The whole situation really affected my mental health and I was always irritable. I thought saving money by staying with a room mate was the best option and I could just suffer through it butnit was elaffecting my work, my relationships, and everything that was important to me. Looking at your post, I see so many similarities and recognize now that I was also in crisis mode and I lived in that state for 2 years. It is exhausting and feels all consuming.

Even moving into a studio was going to be $500/month more and i really wrestled with it for months. I was not living paycheck to paycheck though but $6000/year extra just for rent felt awful.

I pulled the trigger a few months ago and got a studio. It was hard, I felt like a failure for not making the room mate situation work (though I did 12 years of room mates) and now being behind on my savings goals and for being in a studio at 31 years old when people around me are buying houses. (Later learned that they had big legs up from parental help that i dont have.) The peace I feel now is truly life changing and I'm doing what's best for me. I don't know where I'll be next year, but I needed to get out of crisis mode as a first step. I now feel like I can show up so much better at work, which is keeping me on track to getting a significant raise. I also told myself that "oh when I make X income/get my next raise/whatever, I will do [insert whatever thing]." In reality, sometimes it's best to do the thing now so you can focus on getting X.

I don't have a way forward for you, but just wanted to share with you my similar experiences and what I have learned in hindsight. You don't deserve to suffer and I hope you find a solution that's best for you.

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ApprehensiveTheme474•

Idk if I’m in crisis I’m in crisis and staying until we get another, better job is not an option. I do hear what your saying but with a studio worth of stuff - that’s not a big move or a super expensive one. And 200/m to prevent a longer more serious issue seems like a fair trade (idk what % Inc that is or how much money you earn). It depends how close you are to breakdown I guess.

Maybe see if he can work out of a library or nearby coffee shop or friends apartment if they are working away during the day

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Ginger_Maple32F| I GOT A JAR OF DIRT•

Also honestly how immature is he to say he works from home but won't live/move somewhere else for the time being for her poor mental health?

It's not like 'it's close to his office' or something and it sounds like he makes less than OP and she's subsidizing him wanting to live in this shoebox that drives her crazy.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

We both have to be at a physical office space sometimes just not all the time. His job actually requires much more in-person time than mine (right now he's got about 6 in-person meetings a week and for me it's usually at most 1-2 short meetings a week). So I actually feel selfish asking him to move to the cheaper / further neighborhood because this apartment is a reasonable commute to most places an office would be in the city we live in – it's a reasonable commute to the places I need to be, and a reasonable commute to the places he needs to be. He's also earlier in his career than me and he's actively trying to get an in-person 9-5 job so I think he's worried that if we give up this apartment he'll get a job soon and then have a 1 hour+ daily commute when it could have been 20-30 minutes if we stayed.

Part of my frustration is also that if I could just plan on using the times he's already out of the apartment for work I think that would be enough for me – let's say he's usually out 10-15 hours a week – but he doesn't have regular meeting times and he's unwilling or unable to schedule stuff more than 24 hours in advance and it's just been happening lately that the times he's out of the apartment have been overlapping nearly 100% with times I have pre-planned and un-reschedulable appointments like weekly work meetings, dr appointment, tickets to see a show, etc.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I can’t afford to move out of the money I’m making right now. I would have to use up my savings to pay the difference in rent until I can get a better job. Right now I’m spending every cent that I make. I have about $40k in an emergency fund. It would take about $400 a month from my savings to pay for a room with roommates in an area I find tolerable

0
Garp5248•

Then you need to find a new job. Either one where you go into the office so they give you a place to work or one where you no longer need quiet to work.

You stated elsewhere you make about 2k/month. And it sounds like you live in an expensive city. Expensive cities are normally expensive for a reason, they have a lot of job opportunities and that's why people move there. So stop focusing your energy on your current job and focus it on getting something that pays more so you can move or something that doesn't cause you this stress.

And this is harsh but true. Life is always going to be hard if you make 2k/month. Always. It is simply too little to live comfortably in this day and age. So if it's not your current situation it will be something else. So focus your energy on getting a higher paying job.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Aware of this, and working on it. I make a bit more than $2k a month but not that much more and it varies a lot. It's just hard to get out of this cycle because this apartment is sapping my focus and energy which makes it hard to invest in making myself job-ready.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Thanks. Reframing things to focus on what I can do is smart, I know I should be doing this/rewriting the narrative I’m telling myself but it’s so hard to stay positive.

My boyfriend is working on getting a job with a physical location/regular hours. He doesn’t like freelancing. So it’s possible this will happen sometime soon. If he did this then this apartment would be ideal because I could have it to myself during the day.

My main client does have a physical office I can use. The problem is it’s kind of a raucous hangout place so it’s not a quiet work environment. I also have a loud voice in me that despises working in and commuting to an office - I’ve been working mostly remotely for 8 years and I strongly prefer it. I just want to have a room to myself. I hear what you’re saying that something needs to change and I need to compromise on something. To be totally honest I like the idea of moving to another more affordable city, it’s just a scary change and at this point would mean ending my two year relationship because my boyfriend’s not willing to move and he’s not willing to try long distance.

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I don’t want to have an entire apartment to myself, I just want an apartment where I can be alone in a room during work hours. Since we’re living in a studio with only one room, yes right now that would mean the entire apartment, but if we had a one bedroom I’d be happy with one of us taking the bedroom and one the living room.

Since he’s unwilling to consider moving to a bigger apartment where we could make that happen, and he doesn’t have a problem working from an office, I don’t see this as putting a burden on him but rather him taking a step to make it more tolerable for me to stay in the apartment he wants to live in.

If he can’t get a job with an office in the next 12 months or so then I’m planning to ask him to move with me to a bigger place, or tell him I need to move with or without him. (He can’t afford to live here on his own so if I leave he’ll have to move anyway.) I’ll also try out room dividers as people have suggested here and I will give workspaces a try, I just feel like I know myself well enough to know that I’m not going to be happy with that setup.

3
seeds84•

If you're close to a public library, you could look into booking one of their group meeting/study rooms for the morning. It's free (at least in my area) and not too busy in the morning.

Alternately, maybe a co-working space where you would have a secure place to leave your laptop during bathroom trips could work.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Thanks. My library doesn’t offer this (only group rooms and they won’t let you in without another person) but I should explore using a library or café for tasks that don’t need a computer like writing/brainstorming.

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strawberryskyr•

Public libraries or university libraries likely have private, free spaces to work and meeting rooms you can book for when you need to make calls. You might need to pay for access to a university library card (unless you're an alumni or are casually taking courses as a continuing student), but it will probably be much cheaper than a co-working space. It's also likely be quieter than a public library since there won't be many children or people dealing with uncontrolled mental health issues.

If you go the public library route, small branches in quieter neighbourhoods can be pretty great, especially during the day when kids are at school.

Both types of libraries should have a quiet study area, and some of them even have cubicles. I used to love these because they allowed me to block other people out even though they were right next to me.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I did just some googling and came up with a list of private libraries in my city for a small fee – looks really cool! Thanks.

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strawberryskyr•

Hope you find one that works for you!

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

thanks!

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rhinoballet35F|DINK|Birbmom|Md•

This is my suggestion. My university library had individual study rooms you could "check out". They were locked, so you could just leave your stuff and lock up for bathroom visits.

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Person79538•

Sharing a with another person while WFH sucks but I’ve seen a lot of couples manage it through the pandemic.

I find it incredibly distracting to work while he’s here, even when he’s being quiet, just because it’s hard to ignore another person.

What do you mean by this? Do you have ADHD? Are you easily distracted for some other reason? If you were in an office there’d be other people there too. What would allow you to thrive in that setting? Putting up a little divider? Facing the other direction?

I need a quiet environment to be able to hear stuff (no music playing in the background)

If you haven’t already invested in a good pair of noise cancelling headphones, that might solve most of your problems.

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Revolutionary-Type14•

Agreed. I came here to say this and also, are there creative solutions that could help in the meantime? A friend of mine set up her office in her bedroom closet when the pandemic started. If you don’t have a suitable closet, is there another way you could create a cubicle or otherwise enclosed space? White noise machines, or listen to brown noise audio on noise cancelling headphones can help with the sound. Those foam egg carton things can absorb sound when attached to the ceiling and walls.

Can you take PTO? You need a break. In my experience, I struggle with finding creative solutions when I am burned out and switching jobs when under pressure often lands me in another not great situation.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I don't have PTO but my job is flexible enough I can take a trip somewhere while continuing to work remotely (they want us to live in the city they're based in for occasional in person stuff but they don't mind taking a few days to travel). I'm planning to go somewhere cheap in March for three nights to take some time to reflect on the situation and think about my options, and I'm also going to spend a week at my parents house this month just to give my BF and I some space from each other. I also literally just ordered a room divider per people's suggestions ITT and fingers crossed that it helps! Thank you for the ideas!

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rhinoballet35F|DINK|Birbmom|Md•

Unconventional, but what about looking for either nearby or destination house sitting gigs? Would give you a private quiet space, and instead of costing you money, you'd get paid.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I'm on a listserv with dog and cat sitting opps and always apply when they come up! Great way to get a small amount of time to yourself.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Yes, I have ADHD that makes me easily distracted and ASD which makes my tolerance for noise extremely low. I don’t tolerate working in an office environment well, otherwise looking for a 10-6 office job would be at the top of my list (my boyfriend is working on it for himself).

I’ll give noise canceling headphones a try, thank you!

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Person79538•

Okay so I’m also probably on the spectrum too (my therapist agrees it’s not worth the time/money for an official diagnosis) and sometimes the noise cancelling headphones freak me out because they make things too silent. If that turns out to be the case for you, I’d recommend putting on the lowest level of white noise. It’s a built in accessibility feature on iPhones. Alternatively you can buy Loop earplugs which I also have on hand for too loud environments!

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Thanks! The noise canceling setting on the headphones I have right now bother me because they actually feel too loud like the buzzing they make in my ears really bothers me and makes my skin crawl. I didn’t know they made headphones where you can adjust the level of white noise- I’m 100% going to look into that. Sensory issues + studio apartment with thin walls is a nightmare so if I could get good noise canceling it would be great not just for my boyfriend but all the other noise outside.

Also I was undiagnosed forever and I just finally got a diagnosis because I found a study that would do it for free. I don’t think my life has really changed post diagnosis other than that the evaluator gave me the insight that I also have ADHD, and I guess the slight self knowledge that comes with knowing for sure. Totally feel you on not feeling like it’s worth it to pay for a diagnosis, they’re so expensive!!

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imasitegazer•

Most major metropolitan cities have “office suites” which come fully furnished with a desk. You pay anywhere from $50 to $300 a month for a dedicated office that you can lock. The bathrooms are in the hallway though. These have been around well before “coworking” spaces. They are rarely modern and are often a glorified closet (a window costs a lot extra) but as a freelancer your boyfriend can use the write off. These are month to month spaces, so when he gets an in-house job he can stop using it.

Also noise cancelling headsets come in Bluetooth and WiFi. Avantree is much less expensive then Bose etc.

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SickWhiz•

I echo some of the other peoples suggestions about finding a way to create a dedicated office space with noise canceling features. Converting a closet works well if possible. A lot of offices closed down during the pandemic, so in a lot areas it’s easy to find used office dividers. The goal here is to reduce your visual/periphery distractions.

For noise cancellation I bought some fancy noise absorption stuff, but the best thing was honestly just running a box fan.

The second benefit of this set up is finding a way to completely separate your personal and work life. If you can hide away your work in a separate space that would be best.

Finally and sadly, this is just a coping mechanism suggestion I came with during a pandemic both WFH with kids, but try to emotionally disconnect from seeing your partner as your partner during working hours and look at it like you’re in a shared office with a coworker. A vast majority of folks have to work in shared environments or don’t have dedicated office space. And almost everyone hates it. I have found it’s easier for me to get frustrated and resentful with my husband, even more than a coworker, just because I am more comfortable being myself around him. But it’s not really far I would treat him worse than a coworker in this type of an environment. So I just mentally put him in a coworker box during working hours in my head and it helped a ton.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

That’s a great way of looking at it/reframing it, thank you. I absolutely will look into getting an office divider. I’ve also been thinking about rearranging the furniture so my workstation is facing the wall and not him. If I do that there wouldn’t be space for a divider but maybe I’ll play around with it. Thank you

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SickWhiz•

I would actually keep facing him but put the divider in front, so all you see is the divider when you work. They also just have desk toppers you can buy and some have nice additional features like whiteboards or cork boards. The goal being 1) reducing visual field of vision and 2) making it feel more like an office. Make yourself a tiny cube like in a flex space essentially.

If you’re handy, you can make one pretty easily. You can buy insulation form boards for pretty cheap at a home improvement store. https://www.instructables.com/DIY-Room-Divider-1/

I prefer styles using foam board since they’re much simpler to move, easy to cut, and you can customize with fabric so they look nice.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

That totally makes sense. Me facing the wall would also put my boyfriend and I physically sitting closer to each other and that seems potentially more distracting.

I'm not crafty in that way and it would need to be something with hinges we can fold up at night but room dividers are only $100-200 and if it works to make this cheap apartment more livable it'll very quickly be worth the investment! I thought about buying one in December but I hesitated because I was looking to buy a used one on FB Marketplace and I just kind of got overwhelmed trying to organize meetup times, put it on the back burner and then completely forgot about it. I'm going to look at screens and desk toppers and order one online right now. In retrospect I should have gotten a screen months ago but I guess you don't make the best decisions when you're burned out so I appreciate your taking the time to remind me of the obvious, easy solution that I still haven't tried!

2
breekitteh•

If you can’t get another place atm, try getting a large room divider, maybe even a large curtain, as something to help for now

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I just ordered one!

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followthesunnies•

For me, environment is a top priority for my job. It sounds like it may be for you too. If your current job isn’t meeting your top priorities it might be time to look for one that does.

14
Annonymouse100•

Maybe a job change is the answer. A position that provides you with a workspace?

Alternatively, a local coworking space that you can use as your office space is likely less expensive than moving. Paid coworking spaces are usually secure and do not require packing up your equipment to use the bathroom, and some of them even offer private office space.

Have you asked your company if they might have office space in the area? There are many organizations that do have unused offices still under lease. If not your company, maybe your boyfriends?

13
This-Raspberry7262OP•

I’ll ask the coworking spaces in my area what their policies are around laptops being secure, that’s a good idea, thanks. Office space my boyfriend doesn’t have access to, I do but they don’t have enough room for everyone at once and it’s usually a loud environment so it’s not ideal for doing my role. The other people with the same job as me all work remotely. My boyfriend is actively trying to find a stable office job (his current income is extremely low, like probably under $20k) so I should also probably be providing him with more support for that and encouraging him more since it would definitely be a good solution if only one of us was working remotely and he doesn’t mind working at an office as much as I do, plus once he’s making more money it definitely opens up more options in general (like, he could actually afford to move to a bigger place without it feeling like a huge burden)

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Annonymouse100•

What if you split the cost with him for him to use an offsite office space/coworking space? It probably doesn’t make sense for him to pay that expense on this currently salary, but it might be cheaper for you then a private coworking space or a bigger apartment and would give you the quiet of the apartment to work in.

My employer provided me with a little cable lock for my laptop which is perfect for locking it to a table. It won’t stop a determined theft, but keeps it from wandering away quickly. We were encouraged to use them even in our office in case someone wandered in.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Buying a laptop lock for private coworking spaces is a great idea. I think he'd be upset if I asked him to go to a co-working space even if I covered the cost – he doesn't really want to use one either and would rather work at home unless/until he gets a job that requires him to be in office. I guess I could make a bargain with him that I'll try using one for a month if he tries one for a month, or something like that, and discuss from there.

1
orsalite•

Any family nearby with a spare room you can borrow during the day? Any vacation time you can use to regroup and work on your resume?

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

My parents live nearby enough that I can spend a few nights or a week at their house here and there. It helps a little but I have a kind of toxic relationship with them so it doesn’t feel as refreshing as it should.

I got an offer for a cheap-for-my-area three night hotel stay so I’m planning to use that for dedicated reflection/job application time. I’m also planning to travel extensively during the spring and summer which will be nice to get away for a bit.

Part of my decision anguish with this is I do not have any extra budget to move to another apartment- even on my own with roommates- until I get a different job. My boyfriend got an insanely good deal on this apartment because of lowered pandemic pricing and it’s locked in at a low rent stabilized rate. I have money saved up that I want to use to travel, for fun, for experience and to build up my hobby into more of a career. If I move to another place without having a better job I’ll be draining $300-400/month from my savings which I can’t realistically even afford to do for more than a year- and I’ll also be living with roommates, which comes with its own kind of stress.

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curlycake•

pay for a coworking space with a private office. it’s expensive but very much worth it.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

I price checked this in my city, unfortunately the average price for this seems to be $1,000+, the cheapest I've found is $800. Even a WeWork hot desk membership would be $300 a month. (It's one of the most expensive cities in America)

4
curlycake•

also check Listings Project for office shares. it's a weekly email list of offices, art space, sublets and apartments.

6
curlycake•

It's cheaper than getting your own place, though, right? and might save your relationship?

I did this in Brooklyn before separating from my husband. I should have done it sooner. I found one for $750, and basically told my boss it was a mental health emergency and was able to get it reimbursed. We didn't officially have coworking space reimbursement as a benefit, but I was able to negotiate for it. Remember you employer is saving a lot of money on not having office space for everyone.

If you can't swing this, find a way to go work somewhere else a couple days a week. The resentment and strain on the relationship is not worth it.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

that's a good point, getting my own studio would probably be like $2,000 even in a bad neighborhood plus utilities. I made a list of steps to try from easiest to hardest to do so I'll give it a shot, I can afford to try it for a single month and see how it goes. Will definitely check out the Listings Project! Thanks.

2
curlycake•

doing it in steps is a good idea bc you need to understand where your introvert boundaries should be. by that I mean: how much alone time do you need? does it need to be quiet? can other people be around but not interacting or do you need actual solitude? what are the activities that recharge you (reading, cooking, walking in the woods?)? You probably need time to relax and explores your hobbies on your own in order to get excited about seeing your boyfriend again.

the books that helped my accept myself the most are:

  • The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron
  • Quiet by Susan Cain
3
PositiveKarma1•

search for a new job. Ideally better paid, one with office working.

Again, think what is really disturbing from working with him? even in the office it is common to hear people moving, speaking, drink coffee or call a client etc - I work in a open office with 50 colleagues, I have no issue to focus (put the headphones and when I am concentrated, I can ignore even my annoying colleague that after 3 months still is not handling the job alone and needs support...)

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

Part of what's worse about this compared to an office setup even in an open floor plan is my boyfriend can be more annoying than a coworker would be (like he'll get the impulse once in a while to do something playful like stand and stare at me while I'm on a phone call with a client or flash me when he's just gotten out of the shower, stuff like that, and if I react poorly it just starts a bad cycle, It's clearly difficult for him to not do things like that because we've talked about it and he keeps doing it every once in a while. I just think it's straining our relationship to be both trying to focus on work while also in the same room where there's a natural impulse to let's say want to talk to the other person while you're taking a break or if you have a question, etc. I also have ADHD and I have more trouble concentrating than the average person.

1
PositiveKarma1•

That's why you need to find another job. One with single office for you, to not be disturbed.

I think your issues are 3 and need to separate it and take one by one:
- first, financially, you cannot afford what you would like. This a mentally problem and you can educate yourself to live under your income and use imagination and all the tools you have it. It is real life, sometime sucks, sometimes is raising us.
- your boyfriend is disturbing you, even you asked to not do it. Communication issues are solved communicating, take time for this now, before to escalate. You used the word burnout and this is dramatic.
- your ADHD - for this might be look on ADHD therapists and speak about it. There are solutions to separate professional life to personal life, to focus, etc.

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This-Raspberry7262OP•

thanks! looking for a therapist with expertise in ADHD is a good idea. I'm also working on getting my salary up so I can afford more options.

1
btiddy519•

Sounds like you’re an introvert who recharges alone. I get you. You have to acknowledge that he found this great apartment deal and you’re the one in need of a resolution, so really he doesn’t have the incentive to make any change. I’ve been burnt out too and definitely need my place to myself to recharge. I even need my bed to myself to recharge. But unless you’re paying for it you don’t really have the authority to define when you want him out and when you want to be together. As another has said, it doesn’t sound like cohabitation is for you right now. You’d be better off visiting each other’s places at night after work. But you want to share living expenses, and can’t afford to be on your own right now. You won’t get unburnt without finding your alone first. If you can’t bite the bullet and pay for your own space you should try to agree on every other day schedule of one of you out of the house. If I were him, I’d have an issue with this since someone came in to his place that he secured with a good rate, only to be pushed out of it at certain times. He likely would have an issue with him having to find an outside office job, too. You have to realize that he found a solid deal and you’ve come in and have the issue and want to take more of it over. If you want that say, you have to get it yourself. When you do, you’ll slowly heal from the burnout and start being able to present a good candida y for a better job. You’ll have no choice.

7
This-Raspberry7262OP•

He's not making enough to pay the entire rent on his own and without me he'd either have to move and lose the deal or find a much better job very quickly so that's his incentive to keep me happy living here. Every other day out of the apartment would also be too much. So far I asked him if he could pick a 4-5 hour slot when I could be here alone and he'd go out and do something, and that I'd do the same for him. We did that and it was great. I'm just contemplating asking if we could make it a regular thing where we look at our schedules for the week and figure out one time slot we could give each other space instead of it always being random times. I think that would go a really long way to making this bearable for me.

9
btiddy519•

Try to make it a routine. Sounds like you’ve already found a potential long term solution. Good luck to you.

5
9021Ohsnap•

Can you both get noise cancelling headphones?

6
JustAnotherRussian90•

Look into renting a desk somewhere - or going back to the office if that's an option for either of you. You can also go work from the library if your job doesn't require you being on phone calls all day. They have free wifi and power.

5