I never thought I could lose my optimism around love

I used to turn my nose up at people saying things like they’ll never be able to love again, or losing hope that they’ll ever find anyone else. I’m not here to echo that sentiment but I can say that I’m losing the optimism that I once had. I feel robbed…

I don’t fear that I’ll never love again, I fear that I’ll never be able to have this spark about it again—that I’ll never again share the innocent wonder and awe with a partner, relishing in the idea that we’ve never felt anything so deeply before. I fear that I’ll have to lie to someone one day and pretend that I haven’t, or worse that I’ll be honest and make them feel so alone and unspecial.

I’m trying so hard not to rant but the worst part is that all of our plans of marriage and life—all turned genuine aspirations have been taken from me. The future I fell in love with is no longer mine. And it can never be replicated; as at the core of it all, I’ve lost my best friend.