I’m dating my former teacher and didn’t tell my best friend immediately

This needs a lot of context so bare with me

I 24F have been friends with H 24M since our freshman year of high school. H had absentee parents and after his mom ran away his dad decided to follow her in their mobile home, dropping H off at our other friend, Ms house. We were 16. This was the same time we got a new teacher J, who was young enough to be mistaken for a student. J had become a great support to H and J decided to take H in.

Ms parents had a hard time with him and they already had three children of their own.

H lived with J the majority of that year until his dad came back and took him home. I was never near as close to J as H was though I saw him a few times outside of school to visit H. Not long after J got into a car accident and we didn’t see him at all the rest of high school, though we knew he was in stable condition.

We are now in our senior year of college and J decided to visit H. J is now 33 and has a job at a different school. There was something different about him when I saw him again and it didn’t take long for me to realize I was attracted to him. I didn’t intend to do anything about it and we caught up. Until we kissed. I honestly don’t remember what happened other than it was the both of us.
We decided we needed to talk so the next night I came over to his apartment and we talked. J made it very clear he had no idea that would happened and that he never saw me that way back then. He seemed very distressed but I expressed a desire to get to know him as we are now.

We’ve now been dating for three months and we decided we needed to tell H. Originally the plan was to talk to him together but I decided it would be best if I talked to him first and then he could have the option to talk to J afterwards. I told him and he seemed uncomfortable. I explained everything that had happened and why I hadn’t told him sooner. He said he wished I had talked to him before anything happened. He’s not angry at me but more confused an disappointed. He doesn’t know if he wants to talk to J as he quote “sees him differently”. I would have told H sooner if it had been a slow building crush but it wasn’t. Everything happened so fast and I didn’t want to upset him if it wasn’t going to work out but it is. We’re falling in love with each other and we’re complete equals in our relationship.

I understand it looks horrible from the outside but I know J never thought of me romantically until we saw each other as adults. However I’m not prepared to loose one of my best friends because of our relationship. I need to know from someone completely unbiased if I’m crazy for thinking I can fix my relationship with my best friend and still keep my romantic relationship intact.

How do fix this if I can?