tired

I'm so terribly tired of my life... Nothing has been as I'd expected it to be and I'm a failure in every possible way. I don't even have money to buy food and I'm living out of my friends good hearts. I'm doing the best I can to pay for my psychologist because I feel if I don't go to therapy I'm gonna end up killing myself. I'm tired of my life, I'm tired of being poor and I'm tired to have made all the wrong choices in my life and wasting everything that was good. I brought this upon myself and I'm pathetic I deserve to suffer. I don't want to live like this anymore but I can't fix this. I'm a musician and I don't have a job and I'll never find a job cause I don't even have a college degree cause I dropped out years ago due to depression. I can't work as a musician and I hate everything else I've done. I hate to work in fast food chains or call centers which are the only jobs hiring me. I hate this life, this is not what I wanted and I can't change it but I can't surrender to the fact that this society needs failures like me to exist. I don't want to live if I have to live like this. I really rather die... I'm so tired of trying and failing over and over again. I just can't do this anymore and nothing seems to work. I want to die.