Today I hit rock bottom and I hate myself for it

This is a throwaway account I made for obvious reasons. Today was probably one of the worst days of my life. It has been about 2 years since I started the NoFap challenge and during this 2 years I've relapsed multiple times which isn't something I'm proud of, however today was worse than all of them combined. I didn't even feel like doing it and yet I was feeling so lonely that I immersed myself all day long watching porn and finally after multiple hours of edging I decided to relapse. I shouldn't have. I don't know about others, but fapping has never been a pleasant experience for me(with or without porn) ; it has always been a way to escape from that sense of loneliness I feel... Today was even worse than before because I didn't just relapse with no desire whatsoever, I also forced myself to do it. I can't even fully explain the shame and guilt I felt towards myself. I just feel like I could have avoided this, I could have continued without relapsing and yet just because I was bored and I was feeling more lonely than usual I did it. I have no excuses, I have no reasons to justify my actions and I absolutely hate every single decision I've made today. I'm not posting this to ask for help or advice or any kind of comforting words. I already know what I need to do, I've made this post just to remind myself how I acted as a bitch today and to come back to this post when I get another urge so that I can remember how I felt today. I'm not giving up on NoFap. My determination to permanently quit has instead just increased. I'm going to succeed, I will succeed and I must succeed no matter what. This is just me ranting so feel free to just ignore this post and if there's anyone that can relate to this then I assure you that it's time to quit porn and fapping.