i want to quit my job, but on the other hand i don’t.

backstory: ever since i was little i wanted to be a “mermaid” but was redirected to marine biology when i got older. i love the ocean, i love sea life, and all around i just love animals. (except for certain bugs and sloths, those guys creep me out)

i recently got a job at an aquarium and i was very excited, the closest thing like that is about two hours from where i live, so everyone around my area was really excited as well. everything was going smoothly until we opened before everything was fully finished. the animals were stressed, the management is stressed, and my coworkers are stressed. we were backed up out the building with people wanted to get in, but all in all it was a smooth opening day.

then it became rocky, animals were getting sick, hurt, or worse, i found coworkers crying in the break room from both customer stress and loosing animals we all cared about. i was one of them. we were told to basically suck it up because stuff like that happens and it’s a very real thing that happens, and i understand but i feel like it could be better handled by management because as we did understand it could happen when we got hired, we weren’t informed correctly and when it was said, they made it sound like it was a once in a blue moon thing and not multiple times almost every day.

recently, i had a major development in my life that is potentially life threatening and when i addressed it with my manager, i was told to get proof or else i wouldn’t have a job the next day. i scrambled to find the proof, formulated a professional email, and sent them the proof i needed and added if they needed anything else to contact me so i can get it back to them. when i walked in the next day and talked to my manager, they had said that they didn’t even look at the email or listen to my voicemail. i felt almost betrayed, i had worried myself sick the night before that i wouldn’t have a job come morning.

as well as the life development, i went into work one day and was handing out animal feed and had what i can only describe as some form of allergic reaction. my hands became swollen, i couldn’t breathe, and every tear that left my eye felt like it was acid due to my skin being red and irritated. when i hunched over to try to calm myself from an impending panic attack, i was yelled at by management because i wasn’t “inviting” to the customers and when i explained, they brushed it off and sent me somewhere else in the building.

i thought that this would open new opportunities for me, and i could finally start thinking about my dream in marine biology, but i’m honestly feeling burnt out and jaded from just the past few weeks. i put on a phony smile everyday, and spit out animals facts like a sputtering printer.