I don't even know if I should try anymore.

Iv just wrapped up a 12 month long bender and I'm trying to get my life back together but every day I just cant find the motivation to get back on my meds or put any amount of effort into actually improving my life in any way. I'm about to get kicked out of my house, I lost my licence and car, I'm about 2 mistakes away from lossing my job and iv pushed everyone out of my life except 1 girl from work that wants to be with me for some reason. She could do infinitely better than me I'd do nothing but bring her down to my level, I feel like I like her too much to ever put her though the bull shit that I am.

I don't know, I don't want to hurt myself, I can't bring myself to fix myself and I won't let anybody think they could fix me It's days like this I just wish I was never born.