I think I’ve met the perfect woman… but I’m married

I got married early. Got married right out of college to the girl I was dating. We had our differences but ultimately we love each other and we made each other happy.

These few years have been… fine. Her sex drive dropped after she started working. Like jumped off a cliff. There’s barely any passion anymore. 90% of the time we have sex it’s like she’s doing it just because she knows I want it and she’s afraid I’ll leave if she can’t satisfy me. Maybe once or twice every half year does she actually want to have sex, or even masturbate. But I thought, fine at least we’re still having sex. Other problems rose too. But same time, I just thought “that’s what marriages are about, compromising and solving these differences”.

Then 2 years ago a new girl came into my office. She wasn’t a great looker or anything but I did find her attractive. I didn’t do anything of course, and just treated her like any other coworker. As time went on, we chatted during lunch breaks and got to know each other better. She knows I’m married and she is in a relationship herself, so we both know to not cross any lines.

Now here’s the kicker. She’s pretty much perfect for me. We have similar hobbies (both petrol-heads), similar outlooks on life and most importantly, very similar personalities. It’s hard for us to disagree on anything, like literally anything. We have the same view on pretty much anything to do to with interpersonal relationships. We’ve joked about how we’re pretty much the same person aside from, well, looking different and opposite genders.

Now I’ve made sure not to cross any lines but, god her existence makes me doubt my marriage. Every time I argue with my wife, I can’t help but think “yeah my colleague would agree with me on this, or if I was married to her we wouldn’t be having this fight in the first place”. I’ve been finding myself thinking this more and more, but then ultimately concluding that I’ve never dated my colleague so I wouldn’t know what problems would arise if I dated her, and whether those would be better or worse.

However recently I joked that if we had met when we were younger, maybe something would’ve happened. Not only did she agree, she said that if we had met earlier, we’d probably be happily married by now. This stung me in two ways, am I happily married now? I’m currently content but will I be happy with my wife in 1,2,5 years time? Would I be better off leaving my wife and starting something with my colleague?

I’ve got very mixed feelings and mood swings because of this recently and don’t really know what to do.