I'm getting very tired

I've had everything. A loving family, a sweet kitty, never was hungry or had economic problems, and access to the education I've always wanted. I have all these things that so much people would be grateful for, but I feel like they are being wasted on me. Failed the first semester of my engineering studies because of my mental instability, and I'm currently trying again on a different university, but I don’t know if I’m a lost cause and if it will happen again. I'm extremely privileged and have been given everything, and I'm wasting it all. Always been a top student, had good grades and been expected to excel at everything I set my sights on. But I don’t know if I can keep those high expectations for my parents and family anymore. I don’t have any other plans of what to do in life. I've had everything and are expected to do well in my studies because of that. Its either this, or failing. And I don't see any more point to things if i fail. Couldn't live with my own shame I guess. And if you think this is dumb fucking excuse, you’re not wrong. So much people suffering through horrible things and experiences rn, and I'm being such a huge fucking bitch. By all means call me an idiot, I deserve it. I deserve everything that happens to me as punishment for being such a huge waste of life and resources.