When I watch porn, I imagine myself as the girl.

So…. When I watch porn I imagine myself in the position of the girl (I don’t want to be a girl, it’s me as a man. I’m not trans or want to be a women) I just imagine me in the scene. I don’t ever imagine myself as the guy. I wish it was me, but it could never be me. Idk I just have a huge attraction to dicks, it’s all about the way the look. If I see a great cock, I just get so attracted to it, but I’m not really attracted to men, just attracted to their dick. I guess you could call it a fetish, but I have a small dick, and like every guy I wish I had a monster dong. It really fuxks with me. I’m just so jealous of guys with a great dick. And when I watch porn and see a dick that I wish I had, I think we’ll that could never be me, but I could be on the other side of it and at least take care of it. So it’s like I don’t have a big dick, but at least I could be around one and be the person to help it out. Does this make sense to anyone? Anyone else feel this way? Is is there a term or disorder for this?

Full disclosure I am Bi 1000% I know that. I would never date a guy but I’ve been with plenty. For the first 22 years of my life I never even thought I was interested in guys. But it’s been a serious problem for me for the better part of 8 years that I just want to have sex with guys all of the time. I crave it every day, I wish I didn’t but I can’t help it. It’s destroying relationships, because when I get that feeling it’s over. Haven’t had any partners that were okay with me hooking up with guys on the side. And things are different now, I’m married my wife knows about this and how I feel. But she’s absolutely not okay with it, she doesn’t care that I’m bi, just not okay with me hooking up with guys. Idk just need help. I would leave my wife if we didn’t have a kid, but I don’t want to go through all that, I could not imagine not seeing my child everyday. People what do I do????