Awakening like experience need help
Im just going to go straight forward, for the past few years ive been going through alot of struggle and for the last month ive been really improving myself by watching, reading and listening to people like alan watts, ram dass, c.g jung, different philosophies etc... so last night i had taken about 4 gs of magic mushrooms and asked the mushrooms to help me show me my path and show me the way to heal my spirit, during that trip i experienced many different things but the big kickers were these three moments. the first experience was around 12 30 am, i was sitting in my bathroom with no lights and i was doing some sort of meditation, i started listening to a frequency i was hearing that was distinict to any other sound ive heard, i know ive heard it before but not this loud and not this profound, there was 3 distinct sounds. it was a mix of a continous sound of high pitch whistling, what i could only describe as millions of mosquitoes, and the continous ring of some sort of bell, like the sound you would hear after hitting a gong. And at some point while i was listening to these sounds i thought is this Om? And at that moment i hear a big knock from my heater, i can only see this as a synchronistic event. From what ive seen in hindu videos it is Om or maybe a glimpse of Om. My second experience is when i was staring at a dot on my ceiling in my room, it was around 1 30 am. I was staring at the dot and it started transforming into a eye and everything around the eye started twisting almost like a whirlpool, my body started going limp my eyelids started shaking opening and closing very quickly almost as if my eyes were having a seizure, and while i was staring at this eye all i could think in my mind was you need to see this, this is very important and all i could see was this eye turning into the outline of the famous picture of a buddha meditating and everything around it looked like a extreme dmt trip, (btw i dont think it was buddha at all its just the only way i can describe it but it looked like it was hindu), and all i could feel was this connection with this non binary being and i remember it first said in a deep almost male voice "you have found me" then gave me a self realization moment and insight to help me with the problems i am dealing with but sadly i do not remember it at the moment ( probably because my mind is still wrapping around the trip) and after i experienced that the only thing i could think was "was that a spiritual awakening?". Also forgot to add during my experience with that non binary being and afterwards i felt the only thing i could describe was being whole with everything. Experience number 3. It was around 2 00 am, right after my experience with that being it felt like i connected with buddha, i could see the non binary being turn small and the picture of a golden buddha emerge from the trippy dmt like ceiling i was staring at. I right now i feel like the buddha talked to me but i really dont remeber anything it sayed all i remember was it was connected with me and i was connected to it. Maybe it was showing me to follow a buddhist path? I really dont know.
If you read this i just want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to read about my experience, and if you have knowledge or experience in these sorts of things i would love and appreciate it if you comment your insight. Ps i apologize for my poor grammar my mind has just been through alot lmao.
Posted Mar 27, 2023, 8:23 PM UTC
Is this how a shrooms trip would work for you ordinarily? Were those visuals unique to this experience? I'm going to operate on the assumption that this experience came completely out of left field and you don't know why it got so intense all of a sudden. If it was just another way of experiencing a trip then I won't feel nearly as gravitated towards what I'm about to type out.
If I were you I'd take that innate sense of wonder and amusement with you to something that will then allow you to *feel* that wonder and amusement due to your own skill. I'm thinking along the lines that it was a sign from source or the universe, something cool like that. Just as a possibility, theoretically, hopefully that gives you ideas and you grow, I love the idea of growth for myself and others for a TON of reasons after all.
It actually sounds to me like somewhere on the inside you really were connecting to something spiritual but it's normally out of reach for you, or perhaps you have an affinity for some Buddhist ideas like oneness or something in that category, whether or not it's shared among other religions or not it is feasible.
Perhaps the way you sat in that meditation, the way you viewed the world in that instance, perhaps it was something that's literally considered precious, orrr something seen as valuable or something along THOSE lines, you did "well".
I would imagine that if it were a higher power you'd simply recognize Buddha the best. Sometimes when I look at my chakra visions I realize how other people see different colors but my colors fit what I already thought about chakras. Brown for sincerity, purple for third-eye, stuff like that.
A spiritual awakening is a really broad term for something that's actually very deeply and personally experience by you, if I were to suggest help for that I'd say to be the one having the awakening, not the one watching the awakening. Go out there and do things that will get you to where you want to be. Labels might not include everything.
Sometimes you gotta go for it without doubting yourself or allowing other distractions, you just gotta do it!
Keep it up! It's funny because I have a vision that I see all day and it can be an eyeball or a cartoon character and it's got colors around it but those behave in a multitude of ways.
Those seizure-like experiences you had sound like kriyas, it sounds like you actually started to clear some trauma out of your head area due to the intense stimulation of the shrooms and the experience and other variables I cannot see.
It's very common that people get shaking in various body parts when they do spiritual things and/or spiritually uplifting things that uplift the uplifted.
lol
It's your body's way of letting go of trauma, emotions stored in the body and such. Did you know about this? I want to know more about how you reacted to your eyes shaking, was it frightening?
I think that the idea you just watched it happen but continued to focus on this thing says something about your character, possibly, which reaches back around to my other point that maybe you already have something inside of you that, when given ample resources and opportunities, was able to reach out to something or someone like the Buddha, like someone who shares traits or ideas with Buddha, maybe your own sense of humanity like the way you care about things or some other emotion perhaps. Excitement filled a gap or something like that...
This doesn't sound like a typical spiritual awakening you'd learn about just yet because you've only elaborated on the trip and not your personal traits and experiences, and to be quite honest with you, there's no reason to assume you AREN'T having one at this point. You know what triggers spiritual awakenings? deep and profound emotions for specific reasons...
This does not mean that your feeling is big and strong or ANYTHING physical like that, it means that it's deep! There's a lot of different ways you could have that deep feeling, but if you're meant for a serious or relatively serious spiritual life, you want to have your awakening in your way, consciously! You don't want your own deep feeling to uncover fear or other negativity that prevents you from connecting with the thing you feel deeply for.
I'm glad to feel excitement returning to my heart as we speak. I bleed out my trauma pretty hard and intentionally with exercises, it's partly because the trauma was mostly born of ignorance, the things I cared for deeply did not protect me because of my own ignorance and one of the things I'd tweak about my emotions would to literally have myself trust in my emotions like "this WILL work". I'd never want to doubt those feelings ever again because they sate and allow my mind to be free, comfort is attained but most of all I can keep energized...
Why is it that you're asking about a spiritual awakening? Are you looking for one or are you suspecting this is a spiritual awakening? Some will say it is like a spiritual awakening and I won't disagree, in fact I wouldn't know... The story you tell and the way I see these occasions makes me think that you're the one with the next move, not just the universe.
Or it was something I'm just not thinking of, but these kinds of experiences where it's like there's something out there communicating with you is something I will never ever ever argue against again because I know there are people telling the truth about them. I completely understand how it feels to share an experience like that publicly as well and I appreciated reading it. I actually hope people have more stories like these because I think it's fun to read, especially while my emotions recover.
OK, that should cover my basis.
Hi and thank you for replying to my post, to answer your questions about my regular mushroom trips and my life ill try to keep it short with good detail.
Ive had about 7 mushroom trips in my life but its never effected me this way or for other words ive never had a spiritual experience through mushrooms, and it always takes about 7 to 10 grams to get me to have a chill trip, but i never stay in a clear head im always distracted by different shapes appearing or some other mushroom jazz, during this trip i was on 4 gs of mushrooms but i think what really pushed it was me asking the mushroom "gods" for guidance on my spiritual journey and to help heal my mental wounds. (Forgot to add this in, during my trip i was in a somewhat clear head, much more than my other trips, it was mellow for a few hours then the "Om" frequency i heard in the bathroom started it i think, because right after i sat in my chair and had the experience with buddha and the genderless being or maybe the are the same, but right after i had that experience with those beings there was a self realization moment and it looked like my tripped ended for a minute no visuals or anything then it turned back into the mellow trippy mess. And i dont believe i added this in in my original post but right after i met these beings and they gave me advice i tried to write it down but my pen had somehow ran out of ink when it worked fine earlier and i couldnt find my other pens like they just disappeared.)
I would say ive always been somewhat spiritual i saw plenty ghosts and "demons" as a kid and it drove me to the point where i would never go upstairs to my room because i knew something would happen, And as a kid me and my brother would have dreams where we would see something happen and it would happen in the real world, for example i had a green lego ninjago minifigure as a kid and in my dream i was in the stairwell at my school with all these kids running beside me for recess and someone stole my lego minifigure and ran away, a week later exactly what happened in my dream happened in real life. And for the most recent major spiritual experience other than last night was 3 years ago where for a week i was really into norse music norse culture and the gods and one night i was sitting on my porch smoking a joint and in that moment for no reason i said "odin if you are out there please give me a sign" and i kid you not 2 ravens flew down across the street and one stared at me for atleast 2 minutes then both flew away. Since then i have considered myself a norse heathen and have had multiple synchronistic events and spiritual experiences relating to norse culture and gods.
I have always dealt with struggle and i know i have had happy moments but ive never been happy. In my earliest memories when i was 3 i was depressed and saw my mom and dad break up where he accused my mom of all sorts of lies and he got so mad when he saw me staring he almost hit me. My whole childhood on my dads side i was never seen as a smart person i was always seen as a person to make a quick joke out of or hurt for the sake of the joke or to get me introuble. I would always be called names by my family like nazi or arian army because im blond and blue eyed, my dad was always the one who started the names, when my mom shaved my hair because i wanted to look like my grandpa my dad called me skin head and uncle fester from adams family (my least favorite character from my favorite movies). And as a kid my brother abused me sexually and i had been molested by others. i was never able to speak about anything because whenever i did my brothers or dad would shut down whatever i had to say or make fun of what i say, so all i could do was watch and listen. And my dad had told me multiple times as a kid as early as 6 that he was going to kill himself even once showed me the noose that he was going to use. He would also sometimes leave me and my siblings for days or a week at a time and left us at our grandparents. I lived with my dad until i was 13. The only reason i was with him for so long was because he had lied to child protective services and police about my mother, there was dual custody but i could only see my mom every week to 2 weeks. how i got away from him is he got caught with crack, fentanyl and meth in his system and on him. And for your knowledge i just left highschool, i know i shouldnt be taking any drug wether its weed or mushrooms in my youth but when you have to deal with such pain once you do it its very hard to quit. This is only a small bit of what i have been through but of i were to write down everything it would be a book.
Over the last few years of living with my mother and now step father i have grown spiritually, mentally and physically tremendously i am very happy to be living with my mom and honestly i do not think i would be alive if i never left my dad.
I apologize this is so long but this is the shortest i could make it, i thank you for the time to respond and read this again. Just so you know that comment helped me point in a good direction for where to start on this different path.
I had a life where I thought that the life I really wanted was unobtainable, like I was not capable of being as happy as I wanted to be.
I wasn't hella unrealistic I was just being reasonable, I thought some love life and weed was like, extravagant.
So I had a whole slew of issues as a teen until I started getting my experiences when I was 19. It took many years before it started to really become something genuinely liberating and fun. My experiences that remind me of your experiences, btw.
So I looked like a slacker to a lot of people but on the inside I really cared about things and I would have giant prana and adrenaline rushes listening to music thinking about powerful suffering and wanting it to be better because I thought it would be reasonable for it to be better.
Like, love should win, right? You should have seen the emotion I had in my body, like it wasn't even possible but living in the dream of it coming true was enough to make me want to keep going, it was a sentiment of love, I couldn't just leave right?
Call it driven despair. I'd need literal artwork to express how it felt but it was like I got my soul sucked out of me but I kept going.
Your memory of your times there reminded me of my own real quick. There's a lot more opportunity than I thought. My parents weren't abusive or anything but I was like a giant punching bag for suffering, it's been taking years to bleed it all out of my system and that was a whole 'nother thing, went wayyy better but half my week was great and half was painful, A LOT... lol
I hope your directions lead you, but in a way where you're also the one leading, in a direction you want to go. I'd say it's definitely out there somewhere. If you find something you want for yourself that's so important that it reminds you of your experience, don't let go.
There may also be some reason you forgot but that could be "wishful" thinking, it could be that you don't need to remember more than anything else. I wonder if it was some subconscious programming. I feel like forgetting something like that would be a challenge even with shroomster wheels.
haha I made a funny
Whatever it was, you sound inspired so that makes me happy. Soon I'll get to go to sleep too!
SWeet...
Im gonna start with this, it sounds like we are very similar lmao. I really relate to your posts, but your comment about music, love, emotion, and better change.
Ive always been very into music and it was my only way to express myself, and feel like it will be better. i was very into the powerful words of who i listened to as a young kid, it showed me that i can really show emotion i could cry and laugh. I wasnt able to show these emotions because of how i was treated, my dad told me never to cry or show weakness and when i did i would be criticized or, when i show emotion around the others from that side of the family or siblings it would be shut down. While going through puberty and at the start of HS because of my depression and my fathers unfatherly behavior, i had become a horrible person or what people call "the nice guy mentality". I tried to give kindness and happiness to others but the inside would start to seep out, i would be a dick to others for no reason, i would think im better then others, and since most my life i wasnt shown much love it was hard for me to express it, it made me make horrible mistakes and i hurt others mentally if they hurt me, especially if it was someone i was in "love" with. In reality really just wanted to be loved,understood,accepted. Over the past years since grade 9 i have grown alot. That year i had a self realization moment that what i had been doing was wrong and i needed to be better.
Since that self realization i have been taking alot of steps to better myself, yes i had ups and deep downs but i always bounced back. For about a year i was in a deep down i moved with my mom out to the country away from anyone i knew, everyday there was a fight so i started isolating myself in my room to protect myself. I would constantly steal weed and alcohol smoking all day every night. Whenever i left my room there was a problem, because of my antisocialness and how whenever i was social something bad would happen it started to drive me mad and the weed amplified that. To me it was some sort of psychosis. I was constantly changing moods, getting deep into conspiracies, believing them, and telling myself lies or doing crazy stuff to tell a lie or some other things. Im very happy i was able to get out of that mindstate, to my knowledge it hasnt affected my brain in any bad way except for what i did and what happened during that year but i think it somewhat effected how i experience news or serious things. When i experience something serious or something with needed emotion it is hard for me, i am getting much better at it but before i couldnt take anything serious, see its worth, and again had trouble showing emotion. Right now i take things more seriously, when theres something emotional i show emotion. Im very happy i am able to repair that damage but right now whenever i show emotion or cry, something in me stops it shortly after.
Recently over the past few months i have taken alot of initiative into my personal growth. reading books, listening to and watching self help/spiritual videos, reading into philosophies and psychology. A week before i had that trip i had bought a whole bunch of psychology,spiritual,philosophy, and coincidentally buddhist books. Right now i am planning different things for my future like how im going to move to Australia for 2 years in the next 2 years and possibly joining military.
And for forgetting about what i had been told during my mushroom trip im not sure either, my guesses are either subconscious programming for powerful situations or the beings i talked to didnt want me to remember that part like you said.
I realized i didnt answer most of your questions in your other comment im going to write them in my notebook so i dont forget to answer them because my phone is only on 5 percent. I thank you for taking time out of your day to answer and help me, i am very grateful.
Regarding how you stop your own emotions...
I think that our memories and old thought patterns do way more to our emotions than we understand, even after escaping the memories. Well, I mean oftentimes it is really truly like this. Just because your emotion is stopping doesn't mean you're at fault for it, our bodies are programmed to run automatically.
Putting yourself into a position to give your feelings the benefit of the doubt and trust your body to do what it needs to do and literally be decisive, like seriously have one conclusion about what you're doing when you've thought enough to make a conclusion and just keep going, have no doubt.
Like an ironclad will but not as field tested as the ironclad.
I have mixed feelings with what you said about psychosis, I'm not a doctor but I also know that, especially when we're younger, we can get things mixed up pretty damn hard. REALLY freaking hard. Ironically the point of that discussion is just to reinforce how important it is to put the trust in yourself and your body. There is no good or bad energy.
I used to have this same worry as you, and you know what I was doing? I was having an emotion in my emotion about my damn emotion... OR, I was waiting to have an emotion in my emotion that was under too much pressure!
A lot of people don't quite get that pressure sorted out through conscious effort, people on earth and in la-la-land alike. Most don't ever try to do it, but you can see yourself in a way where you're like, "OK, I know some of my emotional problems are physical and I know some of my depressive issues are because of my physical problems"
"I'm going to take everything I love and push it somewhere else without looking back"
I'm just talking about the ability to really sense within that you are doing the thing that is efficient with your beliefs and you're adding positivity to that over time. No more overthinking or blaming or stressing. If you're thinking about something a lot that's one thing, overthinking is a big challenge to get rid of. Blaming and stressing is a cycle of re-establishing the problem you already saw... If you wanted to actually make a BIG difference you would have thoughts that you truly believe in, or actions that you know will lead you to different spiritual states, meditations with certain beliefs and perspectives...
You'd take that and never ever hit the gas and the breaks at the same time, you'd take every emotion as your emotion that you created that will win. The more profound of a positive feeling you have for the thing you're believing in, the more you will remember that thing instead of negative things.
Do that well and it doesn't matter what negative emotion distracts you, cause you're focused.
Right?
Your story about psychosis sounds like when I used to think that I had problems because of feelings and emotions I just couldn't comprehend in any other ways. I can't really get too deep into any form of medical advice but I had a lot of problems I really thought I had disappear with this very thing I probably first thought of when I was 10 years old, "doing it."
You build up over time, emotions change over time and everything. If you have a negative emotion, what do you think you should be doing with it?
I'll tell you, you should be knowing at the core of your being, I am not my body and I'm not my mind. Then, when the negative emotion happens, you should be doing what you would always be doing, not playing with the emotion or trying to feel it or looking for a way to hack it up like a hairball. I'm almost sure that the very force that feels like you're ending your emotions with, I'm almost certain there is a part of you that is strong that is actually literally accepting the emotion and transmuting it.
Imagine if all of your thoughts went in a straight line, no getting stuck up on all these ideas, "Should I do this or that, maybe this or this, what's wrong with this?" Imagine if that was literally all gone. You'd have your foot and the accelerator, you'd get a negative emotion and you'd already be expressing the emotion YOU want, because you're you!
There's no shortcut to that part of the process, you become your own self by being yourself with no hesitations, doubts or worries. The emotion eventually goes away and you get smarter, healthier looking, more energetic, more emotional. Do you know how much even the slightest repetitive negative emotion can screw up how you feel? It can make a gigantic difference, even the slightest left on repeat all day would be like a night and day difference.
When you have only positive thoughts in a row they are much more powerful than when you also have negative thoughts...
We can talk more later but I'm running low on time atm.
(Answering questions i didnt answer before.)
This is not how mushroom trips normally work for me, it always takes 7 to 10 grams to get a really trippy trip, 10 to 15 to see dmt visuals. This trip i took 4gs and had moments of dmt visuals aswell as visuals unique to the experience as example, during that trip i had some visuals that looked like art from hindu paintings.
The last couple of months/year ive been diving more into philosophies,spirituality and religion, ive been reading buddhist and taoist books, watching and listening to lectures by people such as alan watts and ram dass, and a week before the trip o bought a big stack of self help,psychology,spirtualistic, philosophical books but mostly buddhist and taoist books. Ive also somewhat dived into hindu spirituality but the last video i watched on it before the trip was about Aum or Om cant entirely remember the spelling but i know it was a mantra.
I did not know bodys can shake when letting go of trauma, and the eyes shaking i wasnt afraid of it but it felt weird at the start but after a second i felt like i embraced it without thinking, the main thing that was going on in my head was you need to see this. When i was experiencing this what i was seeing around the eye was these dmt visuals which almost looked like pushing through thick jungle or high grass and when i reached the "clearing" is when i saw the being.
I think the past year as ive been learing more about spirituality ive felt like its been leading to a heavy spiritual experience or a awakening. I dont think it was a awakening, but it was a direction towards one.
I know i say this everytime but i really do thank you for reading my comment, i know not everyone has the time to spare.
Great :)
Do you know any symptoms involved with opening your chakras? It'd be good to know how to discern "you" from chakra induced suffering if you didn't know. That shaking is a sign you're going to have it at least a little.
"tired" days at all? energy dips? "wow I'm suddenly just miserable but I was fine"
THOSE kinds of feelings used to make me think I had an actual mental disorder but nonono I was just doing about 5x the energy work I was ready for completely on accident
Or more.
Guh
Going to be honest i dont really know anything about chakras, but i havent had a good sleep schedule these past 3 weeks going to bed around 12 to 3 am waking up around 10 to 2. And i havent had much energy ive been feeling sluggish.