People wanting to be your friend but you don’t have the capacity to do so.

Hi. I want to know if I’m an asshole for not necessarily wanting new friends. I find 3-4 people that I connect with really well and those are the only people I associate with. I’ve met some new people recently and I’m not the best at masking but I’ve done pretty well over the years and people seem to buy it, I’m unsure how. I think I just attract people who want to talk about themselves a lot and it could be because I don’t talk much unless prompted specific questions that need answered if that makes sense. These new people will text me just to say hi or wanting to hang out but I never want to and I feel bad. I’m constantly having to apologize or “reschedule” but in reality, I have a job which takes majority of my energy masking and then once I do one thing in a day, I’m really not feeling like doing other things. Like I’ve done the event and when it’s over I cannot speak for many hours which is fine because I get to be alone and recharge. I’m not sure how to tell people that without sounding like I don’t like them as people, because I do but I don’t even text my close friends just to say hi. I rarely text or call people unless I have a question or there were plans made or something like that. I’m not even sure if this is an autistic thing but I feel like y’all can relate to not having the energy to entertain neurotypicals.

It truly is so exhausting and they’re not bad people at all. I just don’t have the energy, I’ve never been the type of person to go and do plans all the time, Ive had meltdowns after work almost everyday for the past perhaps 6 years, I need to find a solution because I can’t handle the guilt of constantly letting people down. And sometimes I’ll even tell people that I’m a very low energy person and I’m not super about meaningless conversation, they’ll say they get it and they can relate but then 2 days later are offended that I haven’t texted them that I miss them or something, but that is what I mean by meaningless conversation. I don’t know, this is more of a rant I guess. I wish people would just understand and leave me alone and not take things so personally.