Montauk Sold to Portugal

MONTAUK, Portugal - 4/1/2023 - The small vacation village of Montauk on the tip of Long Island’s South Fork is no longer part of the United States. The country of Portugal has reached a deal with the United States to acquire the village.

“Honestly with the distance Montauk is from the rest of Long Island, it already felt like going to Europe anyways whenever you would drive out there.” stated Long Island politician Adam West.

When told about the news, Montauk residents were “overjoyed”.

“We can finally go back to our roots of being a small quaint fishing village!. No more tourists and arrogant city folk coming out and ruining our town with their overcrowding, littering, and sense of entitlement.” stated lifelong Montauk and fisherman John North.

Eric Juntsman, a former Manhattan resident who moved to Montauk during the pandemic in 2020 is very disappointed about the news “Now I have to pay in Pesos everywhere and learn Portuguese?! This is too much. Myself and many other transplants are moving back to Manhattan.”

The United States sold the village to Portugal for approximately $100 million dollars. Long Island politicians tried to include Representative George Santos in the deal with Spain, to which Portugal vehemently denied.

There were proposals to extend the runway at Montauk Airport to allow for nonstop flights to Lisbon, but local residents overwhelmingly denied the proposal. “We just got rid of the city folk, why would we want more tourists?” said Montauk resident Susan Casserino.

Montauk is part of Portugal, and therefore Europe, effective immediately. U.S. residents driving or taking the train to the town will have to display their passport at the entrance.