I think I am giving up

For the past 3 years, I have been struggling to keep myself from killing myself. I keep telling myself to get through another day and it will all be fine.

I am 13, female and from Britain. I've had a normal childhood. Supportive parents and relatively good friends but I just find life so hard.

I was diagnosed with Tourettes and ADHD in year 4 and I think it's around about then-ish when everything started getting bad. I started struggling at school because of my ADHD. I found maintaining friendships really hard. Then when it came to secondary school, I started feeling depressed. Half way through year 7, it got unbearable but I still kept it to myself. Year 8 came by and I eventually told somebody and ever since then, everything has been spiralling.

I've been thinking of taking drugs to suppress the pain and I'm going crazy. All the time I can't stop thinking of drugs. I just want it all to end. I've been thinking of hurting others so I have something else to think about other than drugs or killing myself. I have support at school but it doesn't seem to be helping much. I have an online friend which I am really attached to but when I am with him it makes things so much worse for me. I'm just always sad when I'm not with him and I feel pressured to be there for him even though I always have a busy schedule. And when I don't have time for him I always feel sad and worried he'll leave me. I find maintaining friendships hard. I have so many problems in my life which are so hard to fix so instead of fixing them I just want to run away from them.

The worst part is, my parents think that I am doing all of this for attention. Why can't they understand? I just want it to end. I want all this to end. I just hope someone out there knows what I'm feeling. Or maybe can tell me what is causing all of this? Give me hope. I want this shit to end so fucking bad. All too much. My life was fine before all of this. How did this even happen?

I appreciate any support. 🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️