“They may be sexist but they’re not molesting anyone.”

I had someone very close to me say this today. I can’t get it out of my head. They were comparing “someone who’s been misgendered on Twitter” to “a woman shot in Afghanistan for standing up to the government” and I lost it. I told them that no one’s suffering is better than anyone else’s because they’re higher on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I said that this was classic whataboutism. And then they made the statement I’ve put in the title.

I had to walk away abruptly because I couldn’t deal with it anymore.

I feel guilty for walking away. I feel like I should’ve been able to make an amazing argument that would’ve put them in their place but I couldn’t. Why do we women have to suffer through these hurts while the men who carry out these “intellectual exercises” get to say whatever they want?

What should I have said instead of walking away? What do I say if they say such things again?