28 [M4F] Southern US/Online - Lonely ramblings and quickly-approaching thunderstorms

Work was a little extra rough this week.

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I manage a home repair business, and we had a big project go a little past it's time-frame, so I was kinda running on fumes for a while there until we finished today. Thankfully though, work is gonna be light for a few days, so I decided earlier that I'd try to beat the black clouds rolling in, get home as quick as possible, and relax on the couch with a few strong drinks and some music or a movie or two.

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I clocked out and started for home right before the downpour began, and about ten minutes after I got in through the front door (and got soaked from the walk up to it), the power went out like it was a scene from a movie.

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I just kinda laughed it off, got changed, and decided to at least make the most of it by grabbing my tablet, heading outside to enjoy the now booming thunderstorm, and checking to see if Netflix added anything new. Not long after I settled in though, the loneliness did too, so I decided to open up Reddit instead.

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I got about halfway into typing my now-weekly short, generic post when I stopped and had the realization that none of it was authentic, and that what I'm craving desperately right now is too complicated for one or two paragraphs and a catchy title, regardless of how hopeful I am about finding it. So I let out a long sigh, deleted every word, and now I figure that I should just be honest and see where a little vulnerability gets me.

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So here goes:

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Everyone is different, but ultimately we all just want to feel noticed, wanted, and understood by someone, and I'm no exception. For me personally, I tend to feel pretty dead inside most of the time, and having gone a few years without a long-lasting connection hasn't helped things at all. The dating scene here is more sex-oriented and shallow than anything else, and it only makes me feel worse when I drag myself into being social with people I couldn't care less about. Because of this, I find myself turning to Reddit a lot of the time to try and find something more meaningful and long-term than some one-night-stand.

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Where I tend to hit a wall though is my lack of enthusiasm for the generic, scripted back-and-forth and pleasantries that go with meeting people on here. Most of those I've met just don't try, and the ones that do rush things to the point of discomfort, even when they message you first. So this is me laying it all out there.

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What I'd love is a close, intimate friendship (for now) with an intelligent, confident, sarcastic, witty, emotionally-intelligent woman with a great sense of humor and a knack for banter. Someone with a story, and a past, and some life experience, because I hate having to try and keep it all going for the both of us. Finding someone to "talk to" is easy, but I'd much rather put my time into somebody with depth and substance that shows me she wants something deeper than run-of-the-mill, and I'm ready to give the majority of my attention moving forward to someone that feels the same way.

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Or another someone to bullshit with for a while until we get sick of each other, lmao. If that's what happens, then no hard feelings, but at the end of the day, while the world continues collapsing all around us, all I want is to feel a connection with someone that makes me feel like what we share isn't shallow and hollow, and someone that contributes more to my everyday life than "hi how r u tell me about ur day".

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Either way, it's only getting later, and I have nothing else going on, so I think I'm just gonna sit on my porch and try to enjoy all this thunder and lightning (and whiskey) while it lasts, and hope someone interesting fills my inbox with all sorts of hopeful things before the sun shows up. Maybe this is the sign you needed, who knows? Go read my goofy little "about me" post, and send a message.

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Oh, and I'll just get [this](https://imgur.com/a/aNsDaMr) outta the way for you too 👍🏻