i need help but i dont know where to find it

im 17 and i drink a lot i live pretty much alone in an appartement so i get lost in my thoughts quite a bit. right now is a real realisation that i am not doing okay at all, i bought wheed off of a homeless man and told him to steal from my work! what the fuck i was drunk when i said it but i actually cannot believe myself i have no one in my life i can talk ti about this because no one knows what i hide. if i start drinking i have to keep going and going i feel like im loosing brain cells what can i do to help myself and get rid of this nauseating guilt