Should I Reel It All In Hard?

I'll try to provide some context and present my concerns without going on too long (although I inevitably will go a bit long), bare with me pls. :D

So, for much of this school year (up until probably late January) I feel like I had done mostly a very good/excellent job this school year with my students (i'm one of my upper elementary students' two main teachers, they have 6 teachers in total with their electives teachers). My students were very well behaved and relatively high performing all things considered and I was also charismatic, pretty "fun", open, and flexible. I had my name chanted by the students often, and I was undeniably their favorite teacher and a bit of a hero not only with my class but across campus.

All of that largely still applies but it's been damaged a bit: I feel like for the past month and a half or so I have become more rigid, anxious, obsessive compulsive, irritable, closed off, depressed, and downright unstable due to what is probably Bipolar tearing me from the inside out (I will step down at the end of the year but can still hang on for the final 8 weeks). I can no longer balance things so well and am now basically just rigid while desperately trying to remain calm, pleasant, kind, and low key.

Having said this, I teach a population of students that mostly come from poor homes and backgrounds and that are often affected by arguably pretty negligent, indulgent, and downright incompetent parenting. If you couple this with the fact that the school and most teachers don't really have good behavior management systems and that they are all pretty indulgent as a result of both incompetence and shoddy ideological stances (at least imo and from what i've seen) then you have a population of students that isn't really optimized behaviorally or academically imo. I wouldn't call them "scholars."

Now the thing is, up until January I had done a pretty good job at keeping a hyped up vibe in the classroom that I could still reel in very well but now I realize that all that time I was still nonetheless feeding into the unbalanced, unruly, unfocused, and chaotic energy that most of these students carry with them all the time anyways, with the distinction that I could reel them in well and still have them behave relatively excellently and work well.

I am no longer able to do that and I don't want to anymore either. I now envy, resent, and cannot fathom or understand those heights that I reached previously. I now am unable to tap into whatever it is that I was doing and now it seems foreign, unreachable, and indecipherable. I now feel like just being calm, pleasant, kind, and low key should be enough and I unfortunately find myself resenting my students for being so messy unless i'm right on point and for also resenting me themselves now as I think they can feel that my compass has been changed a bit now the past few weeks. I'm no longer that larger than life tour de force.

They have not been following the school uniform policy as it stands, they have not been following the food policy, they've been bringing in toys (although I don't let them use it, their backpacks are filled with garbage that distracts them), and I have partly indulged them by being lenient on all of that the whole school year because I knew that if I balanced it well it could not only still work with my class but actually augment the experience (it did augment it when I was able to balance things). I am now unable to carry that anymore and I feel like (as carefully and compassionately as possible) laying down the ban hammer when we come back from spring break. I would like to send some kind of letter home to parents with a gentle reminder about the uniform and food policy and about the toys and fidgets. Then I would like to keep the class pretty rigid with some openness in the beginning and end of class.

I think that sounds pretty fair but perhaps due to my mental turmoil I feel all confused and guilty about it all. These kids are expecting certain things from me and even if not with me you just have to give them a whiff of something for them to explode into an excitable frenzy. I feel like squashing that fucking behavior and excitability and the problem is that if not careful (particularly emotionally) I will not only be squashing that but our connection and rapport as well with it. Having them be as self regulated and calm as my best students can feel like imposing on them something militaristic and unnatural and I feel you have to be a fucking pro with a clear mind to pull that off without it feeling harsh and repressive. A clear mind I do not have.

Thoughts? (Other than seek help/quit/FMLA).