Lost my wife today

I (39m) just found my wife (45f) of roughly 12 years on our office floor this morning. Last night, she had picked me up from the airport for a week home after about a month on-site for work.

I basically went straight to bed when we got home, and she said that she was going to wind down and read for a bit before coming to bed.

When I woke up this morning, she wasn't in bed. Guessing that she had just fallen asleep reading (which happened often), I went to look for her.

I found her on the floor of the office, already cold. The only strange thing she said last night on the way home was that shed had trouble sleeping during the past week or so. She didnt have any kind of medical condition as far as I'm aware, and I believe that she would have told me if anything was going on. The EMTs and Authorities that responded to the 911 call handled everything very professionally and sympathetically.

I just feel lost. I have the urge to just clean. We couldn't have kids, and her family is estranged save for one brother, who I've talked with and is going to pass the news on to her family.

I also feel bad that I'm NOT crying my eyes out. I feel numb more than anything, and that makes me feel worse.