Goblin Dirty Jokes

A while ago, I asked for help coming up with the jokes that would be found in a goblin book of dirty jokes. You were generally useless on that front, so here's what I've come up with, in case someone else needs these in the future.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood shack. I asked the goblins living there if I could come inside because I felt nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.

"Today, I asked a magic mirror “Mirror, why am I still single?” and it just kept showing my reflection."

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you, but if you donate five kidneys, they call the city watch?

You don’t need a ring of feather falling to jump off a tower. need a ring of feather falling to jump off a tower twice.

Goblin humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.

"I heard a rumor that someone in Finkeldang gets stabbed every 52 seconds. That poor, stupid kobold should live somewhere else."

My priest who helped me understand grief just died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

"My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

What is the worst combination of illnesses? Maze Madness and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

A tiefling was drinking a bloodwine and the tavern wench screamed “does anyone know CPR?” The tiefling yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and they all laughed. Well, except for one person.

I visited my brother in his new cave. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe guiding travelers through the Maze was not the right choice.

I'll never forget my Grandpa Gilmore’s last words to me just before he died.
“Why are you shaking the ladder, you little puke?”

My wife said “I want another baby.” I replied “that’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”

How is an army of orcs good for the environment? They kill a lot of kobolds.

Kobolds are not completely useless. They can always be used as a bad example.

I got fired from my library job after the first hour. They said I can’t put all the books about “kobolds’ rights” in the fiction section.

What’s still together after all the shit they’ve been through? A kobold’s butt cheeks.

What comes after 69? Mouthwash.

How did the wooden puppet find out he wasn’t a real boy? He was masturbating and his hand caught on fire.

What’s the difference between mummy rot and your legs? I don’t want mummy rot to spread.

If a gnome says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

What is the difference between a cleric of Ungold and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re 12 to come on your face.

How do you turn a fox into an ogre? Marry her.

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle the succubus with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole cockatrice.

How can you tell when a Kobold is stupid? It’s breathing.

What’s the difference between a catfish and a kobold?

One is a filthy scum-sucking, crap-eating, bottom feeder and the other one is a fish.

How do you know when a kobold is about to say something smart?

When it starts his sentence with, "A goblin once told me.."

What is the best way to get a kobold to stop chewing on his nails? Make it wear shoes.