I miss sex

Not anything super traumatic, I get it. I just want to vent a bit.

My wife and I started trying for a baby after we got married last year. It was the first time since we started our relationship that we didn’t use any birth control. We started with condoms, I had a hard time finishing with them. Eventually she got on birth control pills and I got to experience sex without a condom for the first time and hoo boy was that a game changer lol.

Eventually it started to really affect her libido. We went from a couple of times a week, to once, to eventually about 2 times a month. I was sad, but I knew we needed to be safe. Coincidentally, she found out she had a genetic disorder and could no longer take the pill. So we switched to an IUD. Can’t recommend that enough for people, the symptoms were milder, and we no longer had to be super vigilant about the pill. It affected libido too, but not as bad as the pill

As soon as she had the IUD removed, my wife became what I can only describe as aggressively horny. It was absolutely amazing. The best sex I have ever had in my entire life. I started to figure out real quick that all this stuff is directly related to hormones. When my wife has a natural cycle, it just builds and builds before ovulation, tapers off a bit during her period and builds again…

For one cycle lol. We got pregnant very quickly. As one does when they have frequent unprotected sex between two relatively healthy consenting adults. That was the goal after all. It’s not like I didn’t want it to happen.

Pregnancy… sucks. It absolutely sucks. I can only describe it as basically having the flu for 3 months straights at first. I’m not an idiot, I knew not to initiate as well as there was a lot of things I had to step up and do as the father. My wife felt so bad at first she could barely work. I worked extra hours and did pretty much all the chores. I wouldn’t think even for a minute to not do those things. I love her very much and I promised her in sickness and health and the first trimester is very much a sickness

And then something very interesting happened. As my wife moved into the second trimester, it got a lot better. No nausea. Much, much more energy. And then things have gotten really cool. My wife is glowing. Her hair is glorious. Her boobs are getting a bit bigger, her belly is swelling a bit. Her confidence and happiness are just radiating off of her. I catch myself just looking at her and thinking “my god, I never thought it was possible to be even more attracted to you”. I compliment her constantly and she beams at them. Our relationship has never been better.

But… Hormones. It’s, just not there. At all. No desire. I tried initiating a few times and kept getting rejected. We had a late night conversation a couple of weeks ago with her in tears saying “I don’t know. There just isn’t anything. I wish there was but I can’t will myself to be horny”. We talked it out and I promised I would stop initiating. It was starting to hurt getting rejected all the time anyway. I love her and I have always respected all boundaries. We have a lot going on anyway.

It just, sucks. I was talking with my friend about it the other day. I told him it’s like there’s a new playground that just got built. And I’m in detention and I can’t play there. Childish, I get it, I don’t expect a ton of sympathy but I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe things will change but I don’t think I’d want to have sex either if I had a watermelon strapped to my pelvis in the third trimester. Don’t think we will after birth for a while either because she wants to breastfeed. I wouldn’t want someone’s hands on me either if I had a tiny squealing infant trying to rip off my nipples every 2-3 hours either. Maybe after he gets weaned.