Late diagnosed

OK. I need some validation and or some insight. I am 43/f was diagnosed at 40. I am really struggling with looking back and realizing how much of my life was just eaten up because of a lack of a diagnosis. Years spent in some kind of fight or flight mode with a little disassociated haze and self medicating mixed in. I feel like I just woke up from a bad dream after 2 decades but can only remember it in a fog. What is sad is these were years with my kids I cant get back. They tell these stories and I just cant remember. Like I was on auto pilot. Anyone relate.....