Family is broken due to one sibling refusing to be in the same room as another. Unsure how to navigate

Hello,

This is a complex situation so hopefully I word this correctly.

I have two sisters, Anne and Beth. Anne is 35, Beth is 32. I myself am 30.

Anne and Beth have never gotten along very well even as kids. They shared a room and there were very many toxic elements between them. At times Beth was very tough to live with, for all of us. Beth would yell and scream on the phone at all hours of the night, she would have parties at my parents house without their knowledge, etc. Our childhood could be an entire post on its own but I am trimming it down to save time. In essence, Beth was too hard to live with and my parents were ineffective at disciplining her, and as a result Anne moved out at 17 to live with relatives. This is the very start of Anne's deep resentment of Beth.

They were never really close in the years after that. Anne would frequently hold the past over Beth's head, and make snarky comments about it. Additionally, Beth is a mess, she is late to family events, and we believe she has an undiagnosed mental illness. Anne would use all of this as evidence that Beth is toxic and would deepen her resentment of her.

This brings us to 2021 or so, when Anne decided Beth is too toxic to be around and she doesn't want her in her life at all. This makes things very difficult for our family as Anne is the only sibling with children, and all events seem to center around her and her family. This has effectively cut Beth off from any events with the family.

For reference - Anne has a husband and two kids, a nice home, and a very strong support system. She has everyone she needs. My parents live close by and they dote on her and her family. Beth has nothing - she is financially stable but friends are in short supply and she doesn't really have much of a support system. Much of this is her own doing (as said, she is a mess and I believe mentally unwell). When a holiday happens she largely spends it alone. My parents offer consolation in the form of "you can come over afterward" and Beth just feels slapped in the face and rejected by it.

I understand Anne is within her rights to set boundaries with Beth. She shouldn't have to be around her if she feels that way. But the issue is that Anne makes herself the center of everything in the family - all events happen at her house, she dictates how things are, and she manipulates the situation and guilts those who choose to try to include Beth or make room for her.

This comes up because of Easter Sunday this weekend - Beth asked my parents what is going on for Easter and as always - it is at Anne's house and they offered the same "you can come over after" consolation. Beth was and is hurt. I decided I have had enough and am spending the holiday with Beth only. I am being made to be the bad guy for it. Anne tries to guilt and manipulate me with words about niece not seeing their uncle on a holiday. She clearly resents me for trying to make sure my other sister doesn't end up alone.

I have posted about this before in other subs and have been chastised for "enabling" Beth and her abuse of Anne. This simply isn't the case. Anne had it rough with Beth growing up, but Beth hasn't done anything to Anne in years. Beth is happy to not interact with her at all and keep the peace. But Anne will not let go of the past. She makes delusional statements like "she's ruined my life" and "everyone is expected to drop everything for her and she always comes first" when it simply isn't true. Anne and her family ALWAYS come first. She will use an example like Beth being late to lunch as a reason why she will never change and we're all terrible people for trying to include her.

I understand that Beth isn't perfect as well. She lies when she is embarassed and it has been a long road getting her to admit she needs help. But giving up on her doesn't feel like the way to go either.

Our parents are no help. My mom is a helpless coward who tries to avoid any uncomfortable conversations and puts the whole thing on my father. My father is a boomer from another era who doesn't have the emotional intelligence to deal with any of this. They say that Beth goes missing for a month at a time and why should they be expected to cater to her when she isn't around. My feelings are that if we supported Beth and stopped showing her how much of a second choice and black sheep she is, maybe she wouldn't go missing, and maybe she'd be empowered to get help. The last time they didn't hear from her was because she needed a place to live temporarily and they wouldn't let her live there because Anne wouldn't allow her daughter over there while Beth is there. Beth naturally felt rejected and ended up having to stay at a hotel. My parents have failed both daughters here in every possible way.

On another note - my partner and I are sick of Anne running the show as well. We'd like to host a holiday too and we can't even bring it up because Anne won't be willing to drive here. The last and only time she came to my place she complained the whole time and remarked how small it is.

With all this, what is the right move here? How do I navigate my feelings about my family? How do I deal with Anne guilting me over trying to make sure Beth doesn't spend every holiday alone?

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tl;dr Sibling resents other sibling over the past and has made a conscious choice to alienate her and tries to manipulate the rest of us into doing so. How do I navigate this situation and am I wrong for trying to give Beth some semblance of a support system?