I Feel Trapped

Throwaway as hubs lurks on reddit.

I (40sF) and hubs (30sM) have been married 12 years, 3 kids. Since the beginning, I have been the "parent" in the relationship. Our dynamic just continued this way all these years, as when I would encourage him to learn new skill so he could help, he would panic and be "too scared". I foolishly bought a house and had kids with him present (but "too scared") to help with anything.

In hindsight, I think he just didn't really want to be with me. I'm over him, ready to move on and live my life without having an extra child or constantly reassuring him that I love him (I don't) and want to be with him (I don't). This is, quite literally, hours every day. He is relentless, making sure that I am so busy constantly telling him how wonderful our life is (it's a living hell for me), how much I love him, promising to never leave, etc. that I have no time for housework, or private time, or sometimes, even sleep.

He won't let me go. Every time I try to file, he cries and begs and makes a scene in front of the kids. Our families are involved now, and there is tremendous pressure to "make it work for the kids". (Even though the data show that is a TERRIBLE idea.)

I have no friends, and my whole family is on his side. Only my therapist is supporting me, and I have to pay her...

Last week, I was offered a job 800 miles away. He wants to come. I am afraid to go alone with just kid to a new scary place, but I think it might be right. What do you think, Reddit? How do I build a support system successfully in a new place?