Am i Crazy ?

I had many fantasies about this topic and have talked to my wife about it but she is not interested and keeps blocking it because she finds it disgusting, another point why we can't do anything great because I took her virginity and she have fucked only with me and no one else we tried dildos but that didn't turn her on and that's why we threw them away, I'm really into the hotwife topic myself, I think I'd be happy if we only did it as fantasy or roleplay include but even that blocks them sometimes I catch myself wanting to watch hotwife porn, what should I do I need help? Am i Crazy i thougt this is what i want a Wife who doesen't care about such a topic but now i dont know.

Please i need a Adivce !