[2750] Red One

This is a sci-fi story I wrote using a setting I've been thinking about lately. It's the first fiction I've written in a while, and I actually really enjoyed writing it. It's a stand alone short story but I might just continue it where I left off, since I feel like there are many stories I could write with the characters and setting. There's a lot of grim dystopian science fiction out there, so I went for something with a more optimistic tone. (Despite the beginning).

I'm interested in what you think! Specifically, are the characters and setting interesting? Are the events of the story clear? Does the climax come out of nowhere? Is the action clear as it happens?

Here's the story: Red One

I'll appreciate any critiques or opinions!

My critiques:

[2110]

[1180]

Edit: I’ve already finished a second draft of this story I think is much improved, especially the first page or two. If you still want to leave comments I’ll consider them, but I’m already working on a second story in the same setting