I need support to speak up to my therapist.
Recently I started to notice suspected signs of OCD and because of that I started to research more about it until I stumbled upon Sexual OCD. Its something I've been experiencing since I was 12. I have thoughts of accidentally >!touching or staring at their chest or private part!< Most common would be saying something about sex or referencing sex and even though I've said those stuff out loud I always get this fear of they probably think I'm some >!porn addict!< And one of the worst thoughts would be >!someone being fucked like my teacher, friends, worst are relatives or children!<.
I never wanted these and they just make me feel disgusted, ashamed, thinking I'm losing my moral compass. Everytime I get these thoughts I keep blaming myself that I've watched or read too much r-18 contents despite losing my interest to read or watch those.
I've been wanting to tell this to my therapist or my family or friends because this shit is too much to handle but I get this fear that its taboo or if I open this up to them they'll probably feel really uncomfortable. As to my therapist he's a male and I'm a female which makes my fears much much worse.
Posted May 14, 2023, 5:42 PM UTC
Lead with your therapist. They have more likely than not had someone come to them with the exact same problem and to react in a professional way. Intrusive thoughts around sex that begin at puberty are extremely common and the fact that you are distressed about them is something he should be invested in helping you with. Now, just because you're nervous to bring this up to him doesn't mean you can't voice that. Starting the conversation with "I want to tell you something but I'm worried you'll think I'm a terrible person who actually wants this" is just as honest as talking about the thoughts for the first time. Talking about your feelings about treatment is just as important as talking about what you're coming into treatment for.