mom would use me as her masturbation material and make me watch her naked and masturbate

i keep thinking "she did it unintentionally" and "it wasnt that bad".

but she did it, all the time. for years. i dont know when it started, i dont remember, i just remember that it ended when i was 13. it was the normal. usually i was naked too and showering with her and she masturbating/pleasing her vagina while i watching it. seen her naked so many fucking times i want it out of my mind. i ended up doing it on myself too as a kid, she watched. i said it was painful so i didnt understand why she would do it to herself.