I need help

Hi guys, I’m 24F. Although that doesn’t really matter. What matters is my heart feels like it’s breaking and I don’t know what to do. Every part of me wants to pick up the phone and call for help. But who do I call. I have went through childhood trauma, suffer from PTSD, depression and anxiety. And I block that out most of my day. Only to come home, having to drink to cope and watch the people i thought loved me leave. I am at my ends I feel like I “just want to go home”. And I look to God and say I need you. I need you now I need home. I don’t have any real goals I don’t know what that feels like to be driven. I isolate more then ever. Tonight is hard. Tonight I’m triggered. And I’m asking myself why I’m here. Im not suicidal nor can I think about ending my life. However I am crawling out of my skin from sadness and anger. I am at the abyss. I need help.