I love you and I want you to live a better life

My story is similar to all of yours. I’m a 18 y/o who paid attention to the little details from a very young age. I remember in many occasions seeing a photo of a girl on the side while I was playing on the computer and I just couldn’t stop thinking. Even though I only looked at the first pornographic image when I was around 12 years old. It was when I got my first phone and I was on Facebook and I found this account that had only the cover photo of a woman who wasn’t fully naked but showed a lot. I remember keeping memory of the profile name and searching it whenever I was alone in my room and just staring at it. I felt something I have never felt before.

I had such a traumatic childhood and I’m sure many of you brothers and sisters would relate to me when I say that I used many of the online outlets to soothe myself. I played video games for hours. I also started watching porn videos when I was in 7th grade (abt 14 y/o.) That addiction developed to hardcore porn and fantasies by the time I was in junior high, including hentai and others. I ended up realising how much of a toll it was taking on me mentally, physically and spiritually.

I decided I was going to stop once and for all when I was a senior in high school. The reason I wanted to stop was to feel better and get more attention from girls. I relied completely on willpower and watched TONS of motivational. I started going to the gym consistently. I made sure I ate right and slept well and kept good hygiene. I started getting attention from girls more. I started to ask them for their number and if we could hang out. I then got a girlfriend after 4 months of no PMO. I liked her so much but I couldn’t connect with her. I didn’t know if this was right or wrong so I asked God to give me a dream about whether or not I should stay with her. That same night, God gave me a dream where I picked an apple off of a tree and tried to give it to her, and she did not take it. This was a sign from God that this girl was not the one for me. Even though I could not wrap my head about leaving her just because of a dream, I said, “Jesus, let it be your will and not mine.” I then started talking to the same girl about Jesus and about how we should make him the centre of the relationship in order for it to prosper. I realised that the more I talked to her about God, the more distant we because. This was enough evidence for me that God didn’t want me to stay with her. Therefore, I left her and broke it off cold despite having feelings for her. She used to say that she loved me, but today she says that she never even liked me. She got a new boyfriend. Looking back, I think I just wanted to feel loved, but in a genuine way. And I’m not talking about sex or any of that. I just wanted to feel loved but I couldn’t find that in my relationship with this girl. I remember feeling heartbroken and sad. Often, I couldn’t sleep from the pain I felt in my heart because I really loved this girl. I started going out for walks as late as 2,3, and 4 in the middle of the night and just feeling down. With nobody to talk to. What made the pain worse was thinking back of the memories where I used to hug my ex and exchange kind words. I often found myself crying and even sobbing. I was feeling lonely and I missed feeling as though I was loved.

I then went back to porn again to make myself feel better. After 6 months of no porn and no masturbation, I finally gave up. My ambitions started crumbling and binge watched porn again. I didn’t look as happy as I once did. However, I met with a 54 y/o friend that I met before the 6 months of abstinence from porn. This is a guy that God tried using to warn me of getting into a relationship when I was this young. I remembered him in the middle of my pain and called him. He remembered me and asked how I did, I told him the same story and he was happy to know that I didn’t have sex with her and didn’t even kiss her because he said that sex forms a bond between two human beings. He made me meet a group of young men who are around my age and we now support each other. Don’t get me wrong, I still fall. But I now realised that the only way out of sin (pornography and masturbation) is through Jesus Christ. As Jesus said; “I’m the way, the truth, and the light m.” And “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” Jesus gave us all the power to defeat sin, and he said “Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.”

I want to make sure you ladies and gentleman understand that porn and masturbation is not a physical war, it’s a spiritual one. Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” You need Jesus because he said: “Without me, you can do nothing.” Therefore, I will pray for everyone who struggles with porn and masturbation to be set free from the spiritual chains that bind them and make their lives miserable. I want you to know that Jesus loves you. There is no sin too great for Christ. Christ, who died on the cross for you and I 2000 years ago so that we wouldn’t perish, knows your struggles and wants you to know that he knows exactly how you feel and wants you to be better.

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 John 4:9-11)

Remember that you are precious. The Bible said in Genesis 1:27, wherein "God created man in his own image.” This means that no matter what you want to think of yourself, you are created in the image of God, and he loves you more than you could ever imagine. Just put this in his hands and have faith that he can set you free.

Matthew 21:22 “22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. 22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

Therefore, have faith that it is possible to live a better life through Christ who loves you beyond all measures. And his love is the only thing that you need.

Matthew 22:37 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt alove the Lord thy God with all thy bheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy cmind. 38 This is the first and great acommandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt alove thy neighbour as thyself.

Peace and Love, Your servant and brother in Christ