how to cope

ive been going to therapy consistently for a few months and it has not helped. ive been trying to get on a waitlist for t for two years (im still not on one). im struggling on how to cope. i want to trust the process but im crying every night and its all just hopeless. i might have to wait another year and i dont think i can handle that. especially since i will have to go to public school again which was a huge source of anguish for me. i dont want to be seen or heard by anyone else because of the way i sound/look. just the feeling of my genitals being connected to my body drives me mad and i cant handle it. i want to diy but it would be incredibly expensive for where i live.

i guess this is kind of a cry for help since ive been struggling for a long time and i dont see an end. thank you for listening.