Journey to the end of the night

It's simply another testimony but it's mine.

28 years old, I live in western Europe.

I've began fapping when I was around 13 and soon, with friends, we've found one then two porn mag, we were still in middle school when we watched our first movies on tv.

Internet? It was just the beginning in my country and with our dial-up modems it was not a royal way to porn. But in video games magazines my parents bought me, I found hidden porn folders, blocked with passwords that adults had to buy calling a certain phone number. Sadly those password were too easy to hack for the smart child I was ;)

Then internet, then high-speed internet... porn everywhere. But in my parent's house the only computer was in the dining room and I could only browse porn on it when they were not home. I think I was already in a kind of addiction however, jerking everyday, several times a day maybe.

I went to univ, shared a room with friends, met girls... porn slowly disappeared but not fapping.

Some years after I had my own flat, with my own internet access, with my Phd to write... Porn reappeared... it was around 3-4 years ago. Since I fapped everyday to porn and became unable to be as hard as I want. :(

Besides illegal niches, I've probably saw everything concerning straight fetishes °_°

And after long researches, a true work on my thesis, came the moment to write it. Came also a kind of fear about what will be my life when I won't be a student anymore... And procrastination began. Procrastination, PMO, maybe a bit of depression and the death of several ppl I loved...

Thanks god I have a lot of friends around, a great family and I found 6 months ago that I was not alone thinking about PMO as a problem. This idea came to my mind when I did a travel in an eastern country and when I began to have random boners in street looking at girls (something I couldn't imagine since... middle school!). It was hard to conclude then, erection because girls were truly 100x hotter there or due to the fact I was not fapping because sharing a tent with a friend ?

Reading YBOP, this subReddit and other forums, the link began to appear between all those problems. I had to become a man, to put myself to work an leave this pitiful condition !

In those last 6 months I've tried & I've failed many times. There was still something in me that was not fully disgusted by porn.

Now I am, believe me.

I got so many things to do, finish my Phd work; leave this city I know too well, travel and find a new place; write a novel I got in head for years; pick up cute girls that are all around and I used to consider as too-good-for-me; lose some weight. Nofap won't do that, I will, but it's the place to start!!!

Life is waiting me like a train and I have to get on it, not sure another one will one day stop in my station...

Thank you fapstronauts, I'll share news, be strong!