Another relapse

I honestly thought this will not happen to me. HOWEVER, in the back of my head, the horny sensation was toying with me. I was thinking to myself "mmm oh yea I'm going to jerk it soon, ohhh yea." It's like I already knew it in my head that I will be doing it and..and it happened. I felt like I putting up a false front within myself by thinking to myself "no, I will NOT do it." I felt like it was only a matter of time before it hits again. The more I want to not do it, the more it just happens. It's like I get put under a spell and I end up jerking it.

I think the reason for this is that I haven't seen progress in my personal life yet. I feel a sense of falling out in my life, like I'm losing faith in the process of self growth simply because I haven't tasted progress.

No. No. fuck that, its my brain rationalizing why i did it. I admit, i saw some porn on my friends computer and the thought of sex got me bothered and not. Plus those youtube vids with scantily clad women is not helping. The feeling of failure, of losing my sense of faith is due to the behaviors manifesting themselves and me feeling helpless about them. I will change this in due time. JUST WAIT AND SEE.

magic_mike_25 brought up the point to focus on the fact that I am improving myself everyday. I will keep reminding myself that. Soon, I will be free from this.

I'm going to go back to absolutely no porn, no pornographic materials again. It made me go on edge but that is the only way. It is the ONLY goddamn way I'll be able to put myself back in control of my body.